Monday, March 24, 2014

I turn myself off when ...

I feel fat, I am disappointed in my myself, I did not 'find favour' with others, I feel that I did not have time to myself or time in the day to unwind.  This in turn makes me feel unworthy of touch, affection, pleasure.

Another interesting TED Talk on the dichotomy of committed sex -- our need for security and our need for surprise.  In our relationships we want security, reciprocity, togetherness.  And yet it's these same needs that hinder desire.  Our erotic selves want  naughtiness, agression, adventure, discovery.  So, how to have both?  The speaker suggests that we find ways to create longing, such as finding times of separation.  This creates an 'erotic space' from which anticipation and desire can build. 
I know this to be very true.  Absence does make the heart grow fonder.  Am I making myself absent enough though?  Hmmm.  I feel like I am always here, at home.  Another interesting fact was that what most people find attractive about their partners has nothing to do with them.  When do I admire D the most?  When I think of him 'in his element' -- coaching soccer, solving difficult scientific and technical problems at work, playing with the kids, essentially doing his thing -- which is separate from our time together.

Back to the top -- how do we ready ourselves for pleasure?  It's easy to blame our partner -- he doesn't do x, so how can I be expected to be 'ready'.  Time to take a look in the mirror.  It's always my own bullshit after all.  What am I doing or not doing to prevent myself from fully enjoying sex.  Very interesting.

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