Sunday, December 7, 2014

Stressed

Six months ago my life was boring as hell.  I longed for passion, emotion, anything to make life interesting again.  Well.  Now my life has been turned completely on it's head and I would give anything for an hour of peace and bordem. 

I've made some pretty big life changes recently, so it's no wonder that I am stressed to the max.  But I'm also trying to keep everything normal for everyone else and that's not an easy feat.  But life is not normal right now and I've to stop trying to make everyone else feel like it is.  I owe it to my kids to do right by them.  However in my efforts to continue family traditions and pretend like everything is the same. I end up killing myself, creating more stress and expectation that I cannot live up to.  "Don't be so hard on yourself".  Sage advice.  I am doing the best I can and given the circumstances, it's pretty darn good. The ironic thing is that I am now all alone in my struggle.  Sure I have some friends and family that support me, but my emotions, fears, decisions are all my own.  It's a lot to handle and still be a good mom, employee, friend, sister, etc.  I didn't realize how much emotional energy those relationships take from me.

Tomorrow I start a new job.  More change and stress that I am struggling with.  I know the key to a good start is being positive and receptive -- learning from those around me and taking time to navigate the workplace.  Problem is my personal life is a complete disaster and I know that it will affect me on the job.  This is another example of my misperception of reality.  Everyone brings their personal problems to the workplace.  It's life.  I can do this though -- manage both.

I feel better for getting this out of my head and in cyberspace.  Don't be so hard on yourself.  That's right Baby.  I won't be so hard on myself.  It's a lot right now and it's okay to be stressed and emotional.  It won't be like this forever though. xx

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