Ways successful technical women increase their visibility

I recently attended a conference that had a stream dedicated to women in tech.  A lot of the advice was directed on women must do to advance their careers.  It was good advice, but does not address the underlying systemic issues that keep women down -- misogyny, rape culture.  I'd like to see the tech giants commit to changing their office culture - cultivate an environment that respects and even welcomes diversity.  Hiring more women is a start, but keeping them employed in IT is the bigger challenge.  I know personally that multiple maternity leaves cost me in terms of being able to keep my skills current.  And while it's on the individual to invest in themselves, its often cheaper and easier to shuttle an employee to a non-tech job then re-train.  The bro-culture itself was another reason I left IT.  In IM I work with an equal nbr of men and women and the balance is wonderful.

Enough said about that for now.  I'm jotting down my conference notes in case these prove to be valuable later on:

1. Work on projects with direct business impact
2. Take risks and "step outside of your comfort zone"
3. Choose or ask for assignment that allow you to demonstrate your technical abilibites
4. Seek mentors and Sponsors that have organizational clout
5. Develop a Strong Network and continually look for ways to diversify it
6. Look for internal and external opportunities to speak and present
7. Serve as an internal advocate and mentor for others -- both men and women
8. Know what you are good at and promote that about yourself
9. Try to work with and for managers who have a reputation for considering their employees' perspectives, needs, and talents in decision-making
10. Keep up with emergent trends and technologies so that you can take advantage of key opportunities when they arise.

Reverse Discrimination

I've always felt that when I'm discussing an important social issue and someone brings up reverse discrimination, it completely takes the wind out of my sails.  Rather than get to the heart of an issue and try to make sense of an injustice, I feel like the conversation has been taken off the rails and I'm being forced to give credence to an irrelevant view point.  I used to think I was the only one who felt this way, until I read this excellent article today:
http://theory.cribchronicles.com/2013/04/11/no-dude-its-not-bigotry/
The article pokes holes at the notion of 'reverse sexism' and bigotry against men stating that since bigotry is defined as perpetuating a stereotype that reinforces the imbalance of power and the balance of power is not with women, there is no such thing as reverse sexism.  I couldn't agree more. 
For me it's these kinds of claims that take away from the important issues that need to change.
I'd like to highlight some of the key points for my own sake -- helps the message sink in:

• talking out loud about stigmatized issues, expressing anger and frustration is a good thing -- it's where change beings
• getting mad at the root causes such as male patriarchy and male privledge does not mean getting mad at you (men) personally
• sometimes there's a lot of fear and hurt and anger that are brought to these conversations and it's not particularly welcoming for men
• it's not bigotry, it's a reaction against years of being diminished
• if I'm on the power side of the equation and want to engage in a conversation to effect change by being an ally, I have to own up to the structural inequalities that exist.  We need to be able to hear the ways in which those inequalities have hurt other people, even if the stories are ugly and make us uncomfortable and we want reassurance that the ugliness isn’t our fault.  It's not the job of the oppressed to make us feel better.
• recognizing and challenging those generalities in our own actions is the way to change and to eventually make the generalities disappear

My knight in shining armour

A wise middle-aged friend of mine who's divorced was quoting Mars and Venus the other day so I decided to dust it off. I was pleasantly surprised by how relevant it still is. While not the best written self-help book I've read, I find it's advice and examples quite straight-forward and practical.

This story in particular caught my attention (paraphrased slightly for brevity).

The Knight in Shining Armour

Deep inside every man there is knight in shining armour. More than anything he wants to succeed in serving and protecting the woman he loves. When he feels trusted, he is able to tap into this noble part of himself. He becomes more caring. When he doesn't feel trusted he loses some of his aliveness and energy, and after a while he can stop caring.
Imagine the knight traveling through the countryside. Suddenly he hears a woman in distress. In an instant he comes alive. He races to her castle where she is trapped by a dragon. The knight slays the dragon and is lovingly received by the princess.
As the gates open he is welcomed and celebrated by the family of the princess and the townspeople. He is invited to live in the town and is acknowledged as a hero. He and the princess fall in love.
A month later the knight hears his beloved princess crying out for help. Another dragon has attacked the castle. When the knight arrives, he pulls out his sword to slay the dragon. Before he swings, the princess cries out from the tower "Don't use your sword, use this noose. It will work better." She throws him the noose and motions to him instructions about how to use it. He hesitantly follows her instructions. He kills the dragon and everyone rejoices.
At the celebration dinner the knight feels he didn't really do anything. Somehow because he used her noose and didn't use his sword, he doesn't quite feel worthy of the town's trust and admiration. After the event he is slightly depressed and forgets to shine his armour.
A month later he goes on a trip and the princess reminds him to be careful and to take his sword and the noose. .... you can see where this is going ...
By the time the knight rescues his fourth princess he draws his sword to slay the dragon and hesitates -- should I use my sword, the noose, or the poison. What would the princess say?
... and so the story ends badly -- the knight never returns to his princess.

BIG SIGH here ... I created this. Years of smothering, controlling, mothering. My knight has lost his stride. I've weakened his confidence to the point that he constantly turns to me for advice. And it's so fucking unattractive! Who's the man in this relationship? Me. I have a friend who talks about the feminization of men all the time. I usually ignore most of his ranting ... but that's probably because deep down I know it's true. I want my knight back dammit.