I love to skate

Got back on the ice this year and MAN, I did not realize how much I missed it!  As soon as I started to stroke around the rink -- instant sensory overload.  The smell brought me right back, and I'm not talking about changeroom/hockey bag stink.  The unique smell of an indoor rink flooded my memory of a lifetime spent skating.  And then the wind in my hair and at my ears, the sound of the ice cutting at my feet, the damp cold of the air.  So intoxicating.  And the social -- my girls, all of us ex-figure skaters, all of us with the same shared childhood experience of loving skating.  Amazing how easily it all came back too.  Sure, I'm not jumping and now I get dizzy when I spin.  But there is so much that is still automatic for me.  Muscle memory is truly remarkable. It just felt so natural to be on the ice again.  When I see 80 year olds old there doing their thing, I can't help but smile because I know that will be me too.  I love skating!

Let the Games Begin!

"I hate the Olympics" is about as popular a sentiment as "I hate Christmas".  I get disappointing looks from friends and family when I express my views. "Must you be so cynical D?  It's the Olympics after all."  Precisely! I resent being made to feel nostalgic for an event that's become a corporate sponsorship orgy masked as a peaceful union of nations all in the name of wholesome sport.  Here are some of the reasons I hate the Olympics:

1) hypocrisy - on so many levels
The Olympics is about making money period. -- corporate sponsors, elite athletes, the IOC.  The whole world is watching, so let's exploit the crap out of this baby.
Childhood obesity is an epidemic in the US and yet McDonald's and Coke are the leading Olympic sponsors.  The irony is unbelievable.
Nationalism is another falsehood. I'm somehow supposed to feel patriotism if an athlete from my country medals. Some of the reasons I am a proud Canadian: public health care, multiculturalism, gun control, the CBC, campaign finance reform, natural resource conservation. Not taking pride in an athlete's performance-enhanced win, in a made up event I know nothing about. Sure I enjoy marvelling at other people's talent and hard work -- it's remarkable what the human body can achieve.  It's just SO overblown.

2) wasteful - thousands of public servants have been laid off in the UK, yet there was still enough money to host the world. Surely $14.5 billion can be better spent -- world hunger comes to mind.  If governments sponsored sports at the grass roots, more children would get to participate, which would improve public health.  Is that not the point of honouring sport?

3) deification of sport - Olympians are not heroes.  Humanity is not better off because of their sacrifice.  Certainly their talent and dedication should be admired, but again, their achievement is completely inflated.  I don't swoon over movie stars, so for me this is no different.  Perhaps what's missing is a balance.  Let's appreciate humanitarians, philantropists, scientists.  I guess it's the deep-seated American-esque desire to idolize that burns me.

4) unfairness - the countries that do the best are those who spend the most money on their athletes -- the best facilities, trainers, programs.  The US and China will bring home the most medals so why pretend that this is a fair competition?

5) drug testing - why bother?  So much time and money is spent on testing and finding new ways to not get caught.  For certain sports, it's a given.  There's no place for moral judgments, so just call it a competitive advantage and let anything go. 

There are so many other reasons to hate the Olympics (e.g. relocation of the homeless, police state, brand bans, etc.).  I'd much rather the IOC be honest about the true force$ behind the Olympics.  Hypocrisy is the one thing that really turns my stomach.  Sad thing about this, is that I LIKE sports, especially participating in them. Being active, feeling your body move, developing skills and confidence, achieving goals, team work ... all made possible through sport.  Too bad the Olympics kills the joy. Here's hoping I can bite my tongue long enough to let my friends and family enjoy the games and just get outside and swim, bike and run.

Your passion will pull you into what you are good at

I'm torn between exposing my kids to a variety of interests to help them find something they will enjoy and be good at and just letting them continue with sports that they suck at, but still enjoy. The opening of this article is a good example of a mother who continued to let her child follow her dream, knowing well enough that her passion would pull her into what she was really good at.
I've got to check my competitiveness at the door here. You can still enjoydoing something, even if you're not as strong as your teammates. My son reminded me of that today -- defensive players don't score, so why do I keep asking him how many goals he's scored? I am the one that sucks!
This is my own childhood neurosis rearing its ugly head. My parents wouldn't let me quit figure skating because they valued hard work and commitment. I on the other hand, want my kids out at the first sign of difficulty. You find ballet too challenging? Let's find you something else you'll be good at. Maybe I should be encouraging them to stick it out ... how else do you learn the value of hard work? I've got to let my kids lead on this. There are plenty of things we can learn without having to take lessons. Have faith that they will discover their talents D.

Tiger Mom

This recent article has been weighing on my mind lately and yes, I might as well join forces with my mommy bloggers and speak up. But rather than judge the parenting tactics or defend my own way of doing things, I want to get to what this article really stirred up inside me.

I think the motives of encouraging (and at times forcing) your kids to practice their craft (musical instrument, sport, etc.) are pure -- it's for their own good. My job is to expose my kids to a variety of activities that will give them the opportunity to develop skilz. Problem is that nobody really enjoys learning to do something, the enjoyment comes from already knowing how to do it (at a basic level) and learning to master it. People who are forced into doing something they dislike will naturally resist and that's how the coercive and manipulative parenting techniques enter the foray (yes, I'm all Colorosso here -- no bribes, threats, rewards, or punishments).
So is the alternative to just let them quit? It's contrary to how I was raised -- "perseverance before all else!" And yet when I think about how pressured I felt to continue figure skating ("look at all the sacrifices we've made and the money and time we've invested") years after it stopped being enjoyable, I shudder at the thought of forcing my kids to stick to something because it's expected of them.

Then again, some would say that it's just plain 'ol lazy parenting to let your kids quit prematurely. I can relate to this too. Anytime my daughter gives up in frustration while trying something challenging, like doing a puzzle FFS, I let her move on to something else. I just want PEACE and my little angel is fiery hot like her mama. Force her to do anything and everyone pays for it. This article also says that left to their own vices, children will choose to waste their time watching TV or pursuing other leisurely activities. I agree -- we are all inherently lazy.

So what to do? I'm not going to relent from the 'gentle discipline' style of parenting we've chosen -- I believe in my heart that it's the right thing to do. Maybe I can lead by example? When was the last time the kids saw me twinkling the ivories or playing my sport? Maybe we can do some of these things together? We also try to send the message that once you've made a commitment to an activity, you're expected to attend for the duration of the season and that you don't have to continue if you'd rather not, which I suppose is a compromise between the two approaches?

Unfortunately, I don't think this blog post has really helped me sort this out -- I am still torn. In the end I want it all -- I want them to be happy AND successful. Here's hoping that our parenting inconsistencies will get us there.

Dig It

My partner will be playing at Hope tomorrow and I'm ashamed to say I can feel the green-eyed monster's shadow at my back. Sadly, it seems to be an 'Arms Race' with us when it comes to kid-free activities. It not only hurts our relationship, but kills the fun the activity is supposed to bring. When it's my turn to go out, I can never really enjoy myself knowing that my partner is stuck at home with all three kids, resenting every minute of it. We should know better -- time to ourselves is essential to keeping our sanity. We should be supporting each other rather than keeping score. Time to dig deep.

Dig deep in the sand .... ohhhh the memories. Ten years ago I was at Mooney's Bay three times a week diggin' it up. I would lose myself in the game.

...The sun, starting to set, low over the water and in my eyes that would burn as sweat ran down my face. My body, caked in sand -- a salty shake 'n bake.

I played a lot of mixed VB which meant that I got to set the boys which was the best part of the game. Trying to save a shitty pass and turn it into a perfect set meant that I had the privilege of being a part of every play. And then to just sit back and watch him SMASH it down. Beauty. I loved the feeling of serving it up just the way the hitter wanted it. Mark, short and quick, Rob, high and tight. Oh Rob Swan, such strength and grace. I would marvel at him fly through the air high above the net and put her down the line. There was never any ego, he even looked surprised with himself and he always thanked me for my sets. Plus the fact that he was crushing on D made him even more adorable. :-P

I know it won't be the same experience at Hope as the old days on the beach, but I'm going to suck it up and sincerely hope that D has a good time of it. And that means being supportive instead of jealous. I can do that.

How golf is helping me become a nicer person

It's a sport like any other but for some reason learning the etiquette has really helped me overcome some of my not-so-attractive selfish ways.

Here are some examples:

- removing and replacing the flag for everyone
- not walking on some one's putting line
- remaining silent and still during someone else's shot
- letting someone else go first
- making sure I'm ready to play when it's my turn
- taking notice of where someone else's ball landed
- helping someone else find their ball
- keeping score for everyone
- not offering golf advice even when asked, but when insisted up, very sparingly
- not taking more than one practice swing
- being patient when other players take lots of set up time
- resisting the temptation to cheat
- not gloating when I'm playing well
- keeping it together when I'm playing poorly
- being patient when the course gets backed up

there's definitely more that I'm not thinking of. For people like my partner and for some of my golfing friends, these things come naturally. I hope to get there someday, but I will need practice until it's automatic. I'm so grateful for these learning opportunities and for having such inspirational people in my life. FOUR!

Yellow Card

I'd love it if I could just hand these out to people when they piss me off -- someone on the street or at work, even my partner. No words required, just here is your yellow card. Who doesn't know when they are out of line? It's a real challenge to be able to attenuate myself. How can I say this nicely? Maybe I should bite my tongue? If I say it like this, then he will react like this and before you know it we will be fighting. All of this would be avoided if I just had my own stack of yellow cards. ... and maybe a few red ones too. :-)

Field Games

My son came home from school today bursting with excitement -- it was his first time playing Field Games. OH YEAH! I used to LOVE those days.

First of all, there was no classroom work -- you got to be outside the entire afternoon and it wasn't even gym class. And then the games -- a whole circuit organized around the entire field. You didn't know what kind of race you'd be doing until you got there, but you knew that you'd get a chance to play them ALL. The big kids would explain the rules -- ahhhh, I remember being in awe of the older kids -- they never talked to us before and here they were asking me what my name was, helping me and cheering me on. Awesome. I remember I'd get so nervous waiting for my turn -- I'd look across to the opposing line-up and hope to gawd I'd be up against someone just as un-athletic as myself. Big sigh of relief, wait, oh no, the other team was ahead, now you'd be up against their ringer! Never mind, the challenge of carrying the soaking sponge to the pail without wasting a precious drop was all I had to focus on. And then race back, slide-tackle in the grass to the end of the line. I'd look across the field to see what looked like the most fun -- for me, it was always the dress-up relay. You'd get to put on the silliest clothes and just run. Man, was that fun. Who can forget the sound of the horn that would tell you to move to the next game? And that McDonald's orange drink -- BOOYEAH! Gimme some of that syrupy goodness.

Ahhh, I still love party games. Too bad most adult parties are just about making small talk. Maybe I'll mix it up a bit at my next soirée? Or maybe not. Getting to hear my son talk about how much fun he had today was the real treat.

“If you think you can do it, or you think you can't do it, You are right.” (Henry Ford)

A friend of mine who recently started running told me the other day that I was an inspiration to her. Wow! It was nice to hear. She then went on to say that she figured that if I could do it, anyone could. Um, er, thanks? Gotta love those back-handed compliments.

But rather than get all sulky, I'm going to turn it around. She's right -- anyone can do what I've done. In fact 9207 other runners did just that last weekend (7 of whom were 75+ years old). It was not difficult. Once I decided I wanted to run the distance, I just ran it. It was that simple. Maybe it's the race euphoria talking; I feel like I can do anything I put my mind to. I just proved it. This optimism is refreshing. I really like the feeling.

It's how you play the game

Whatever! It's all about WINNING. Nobody likes losing. In any given competition/game, there will always be more losers than winners, so why subject our kids to this misery? I'm really torn about signing my kids up for competitive activities. Is this a good fit for them or am I just going along with what other families are doing?

It's easy to get down on competition -- it can bring out the worst in some people and create an atmosphere of gloom, dread, and even hostility. But on the plus side, competition can push you to really work as a team and give your best effort. I remember from my old vb days, digging deep and pulling it out. And those times where we didn't keep score were certainly more relaxing, but the play was lousy -- nobody tried, it was just human nature.

Proponents say that competition teaches kids to win and lose gracefully. I think this is where parents have to step in. Sadly many do not. I still remember suffering the gloating of those smug little twits at my figure skating competitions. But was it really their fault when they were told they were good at their sport because they beat everyone else? Is that what makes you good? Or can you feel good about your talent without having to test it against your peers?

What about divisiveness. As an adult I learned to have respect for my competitors. I wonder if children view their competitors as equals or as rivals. I think a lot of that has to do with the attitude of coaches and parents. You'll never catch me egging my kids on to cream the other team.... or will you? Yikes -- I suddenly have images of me doing victory dances and talking smack around my partner whenever I've managed to beat him at anything -- golf, running, video games. I guess I'm not teaching my kids how to win gracefully there :-).

What about the real world. We are forced to compete for resources and also to weather disappointment. Does competitive sport not prepare kids for this? Well, success does not mean triumphing over others. Many people can be successful in the marketplace, yet there can only be one winner in sport and chances are it will not be my child all of the time. There are plenty of disappointments in life they are learning to deal with on a daily basis -- like not getting their own way (OMG, I still have a ways to go with this one myself!)

Physical activity is not an issue now because my young children run and play all the time. However with more and more screen time creeping into our lives, I want to ensure that our kids stay active. I feel pressured to enroll them in sports now so that they can keep up with their peers. My partner still relents about how embarrassed he was being 12 in a class of 5 year olds because his parents enrolled him late for swimming lessons. Of course some competitive sports push children too hard. I know a lot of people whose knees are shot because they played too hard as kids.

It's so hard to decide between being a specialist or a generalist. Growing up, all I knew was figure skating. I feel like I missed out on a lot of team sports and other activities. Then again, I needed to practice four days a week to get any good at it. Mastering a skill can boost self confidence, especially when you've persevered. But what if my 'thing' could have been something else, had I only tried it.

Like with most external rewards, I worry that my kids will become so fixated on the prize that they lose interest on the journey. I worked on two skating programs all year round -- that's all I did. I missed out on not only learning other moves, but how to interpret music with my body -- the very best part of figure skating. I think most people would agree that 'learning for the test' is not education.

Some children take competition in stride. You can see that their self-worth is not tied to outcome. And yet others seem addicted to compeition -- anxious and desperate to please their parents. How can I ensure the former and steer my kids away from the latter?

It's about sending them the right messages -- that success is not victory and that it's more important to compete against yourself then others. I'm going to have to tread these waters lightly by balancing competitive sport with non-competitive activities we can do as a family -- biking, running, swimming, etc. Above all, I'll take my cues from my kids. If the activity is not enriching their lives and is creating undesirable behaviour, then it's over. But if it's their passion and they maintain a healthy attitude about it, then I'm not going to stand in their way. Alright, bring it on! (yikes)