Sacred Economics

I'm reading the Sacred Economics right now and the timing couldn't be more perfect because I've been feeling very discouraged about our future -- the time will soon come when the planet will no longer be able to support all 7 billion of us.  I'm troubled because I am complicit to this system of unfettered growth, exploitation,  over consumption and resource depletion.  And the only option that seems viable to me right now is to check-out of the system altogether -- homestead and become self-sustaining.  But without electricity how could we realistically survive?  I have no life skills.  I have office skills FFS.  I am not resilient either.  Nor do I feel that separateness is the solution. So instead I just throw up my arms and resolve to wait for my families eventual demise.

But then I started reading this book and it put forth some solutions that 'could' work.  Today's problems were created from growth which is necessary to keep money in circulation. I'm finally beginning to see the problem -- money is created from debt, so that there is always more debt than actual money in circulation.  Repayment of debt (principal + interest) means that more goods and services need to be created, regardless if we truly need it.  Hense the need for growth.  Today we live in a world where everything is for sale.  Resources have been sucked dry, chemicals have been pumped into our water and air, people have been exploited .... and yet we are not happier.  How ironic is it that more 'goods' don't actually mean more 'goodness'. Externalities, such as the environment, our health, safety and freedom are not built into the cost of anything we consume.  Corporates take their profits and everyone else pays for the mess.  This book proposes embedding the things we hold sacred into the price of goods and services.  For example, the price of strawberries from California would reflect the transportation costs (including road maintenance) to bring them here, the cost of depleting their acquifers and eroding their soil to grow them, and the emissions cost to plant and harvest them such that they would be way more expensive then local produce.  Companies would have an economic incentive to not pollute or exploit.  We would buy less things because products would be built to last, healthy food would be more affordable than junk food and people everywhere would earn a living wage.  Bliss!  A carbon tax/cap and trade system is similar, but only looks at one facet.  This system would factor in multiple externalities. It sounds complicated to implement, but it's the right thing to do.  I believe people want to know the effects of their actions, and want to take responsibility for them.  This system simply makes producers pay for what they currently take from 'the commons', thereby contributing to future sustainability.  It's kind of like an indirect tax -- you pay for what you take, not for what you earn.

The other concept is of negative interest.  Money is the only resource that grows by doing nothing.  Everything else decays.  The author's example:  if I have 12 loaves of bread, I will give you some because I can't possible use it all before it goes stale.  If in the future, you  have extra loaves, you would most likely give them to me.  This is how a gift economy works.  But with money, we have a liquidity preference to hold on to more money (hoard) and not share.  This book proposes negative interest such that money would lose it's value by holding on to it -- kind of like a depositor's tax.  Imagine having to pay to affix postage-style stamps to your money to keep it's value up.  You'd want to spend it on what you need and not accumulate what you don't need. This is a huge mind shift from the current system and sadly I can't see it ever taking hold because those with accumulated wealth stand to lose the most.  I'm just starting to read the details of such a system and have many qs.  For starters, how would the financial system work?  The author explains that banks would make money by lending at zero or negative rates which would be less than the rate of depletion (e.g. loans at -5% interest is better than -7% depletion).  Borrowing money would not create more money and growth would occur naturally rather than out of necessity (to pay down debt).  It's kind of an out-there concept, but one that's starting to make sense for me.

Looking forward to see if other share these ideas and if they have any hope of becoming a reality.  Because our current system is not working and will not last.

Do you want to be happy?

It's a simple enough question, but one we often tie to our circumstances.  Of course I want to be happy, but my partner is an asshole.  WRONG ANSWER.  The thing I keep forgetting is that happiness is something we can actually have control over, regardless of life's circumstances.  To state the obvious, stuff happen -- billions of events from now until eternity.  Do I want to be happy regardless of what happens?  YES, I DO.  Once I accept that events will not determine my happiness, I can more easily find happiness.

My commitment to happiness starts with letting go of the part of me that wants to create melodrama.  I gain nothing by being bothered by the world's events -- I can't even really influence them. I simply suffer.  Being bothered seems to be my specialty lately, because I always find something to be bothered by.

The book I'm reading recommends being aware of when you start to become unhappy and simply LET IT GO (yes, the Disney song my 7 yr old sings ad nauseam). When life gets me down, and I say to myself "that ruined my day -- what good came of that?"  The answer is always nothing.  Absolutely nothing came of that.  I simply let it interfere with my happiness, which is the ONE thing that I truly want.

The End of Growth

Another great Jeff Rubin book that builds on the ideas from his first revealing book.
Rather than summarize all of it, I´m going to note a few personal learning points:

The caution siren is sounding, but nobody is listening:  I am confounded by the inability of governments to do anything that will lessen our dependence on fossil fuel.  The book mentions that the US continues to grant permits for deepwater exploration in the Gulf of Mexico for example.  After the Moacondo fiasco?  WTF.

Growth is the tenet of Economics: nobody quesitons it; it's the panecea of all economic ills

Potential growth is calculated from productivity and labour (are your factories at capacity, is your workforce growing).  The price of oil does not enter into the equation.

The good times of steady growth are over. An economy can't grow if can't afford to burn the fuel it runs on. Stimulus money and printing money not only creates a huge debt burden, but also causes inflation.

QE:  Fed buying up longer-term government bonds to bring down long-term interest rates. The lower rate of return on long-term gov't bonds, makes other investments more attractive by comparison.  Investors typically park huge sums of cash in long-term US bonds in an attempt to ride our a finacial storm. The Fed is trying to steer money to other parts of the financial system where it can do more good. Buying mortgage-backed securities also lowers mortgage rates which reduces borrowing costs for potential homeowners and hopefully stimulates the housing market.

China:  Every month, China's central bank shows up to buy US bonds (t-bills, t-notes and t-bonds) at the US treasuries auction. China buys US treasury bonds to help keep its currency from rising against the US dollar.  Their demand for treasuries is tantamont to a demand for US currency.  In foreign exchange markets, such demand is what allows a currency to hold its value. Rapacious American consumers have dined on cheap labour from China for decades.  China cycles the savings of these same workers into US treasuires so that Americans can keep buying cheap Chinese goods.    With energy scarcity, distance costs money.  Also higher Chinese wages boosts domestic economic activity which means less reliance on the US.  China is facing high inflation right now.  They can combat this by letting the value of their currency rise.  Letting the yuan rise in relation to the USD would mean that China pays less for imports (e.g. oil, corn) and gives Chinese consumers more purchasing power. China can simply turn inward to its 1.3B consumers.  Their auto market is already 50% larger than the US auto market. China could also start selling their US Treasuries -- this would flood the market, which would shrink the appetitie for buying US bonds at future Treasury auctions and sink the USD further.  In order to entice investors, the US would have to raise interest rates on their bonds.  This would affect US citizens (mortgage holders) as their interest rates would also rise.    

Admittedly, a lot of this basic info was beyond me.  What the hell did I learn at university exactly?  At any rate, the future is bleak.  And no one is doing anything about it.

More on the psyche

So much wisdom in such a short book.  Here are some more notes:

We build up a self-concept based on experiences, beliefs, opinions, sets of thoughts and emotions.  And we cling to this concept because it creates what we think is a safe rational place.  But unfortunately when something happens to shake the foundation of who we think we are (e.g. losing a loved one) our entire view of who we are (including our relationship to everyone around us) falls apart.  So we panic and fight to keep it together.  Instead of trying to make everything fit in our comfort zone, we should instead be questioning the model we've built in the first place.

A very good friend of mine follows this philosophy -- believe in nothing, because dogma is dangerous.  You will never by happy if your identity is tied to form or beliefs because beliefs should evolve with new information.  This is wise.  This book says that you should be free to experience life without mental boundaries.  This 'going beyond' is enlightenment.

The Seat of Consciouness

More from the same book, the Untethered Soul.

Transcendence is the goal here.  Don't get sucked in.  Let things pass, which is not the same as resisting.  For example, I see someone looking super fit in their workout clothes and my inner voice starts up -- I wish I looked like that, WTF, why don't I look like that. I could look like that if I wasn't such a lazy, undisciplined git, oh fuck I'm pathetic for making so many excuses, etc., etc.  I work myself up into this mad frenzy over something completely stupid.  I've been sucked into my own melodrama.  Just as the super fit person passes by, so too should my pangs of jealousy pass by.  Let yourself feel the bad emotions, but let them quickly pass over you.  Don't get sucked in.

This book talks about the 'seat of consciousness'.  It's the place up high where you observe your life.  I imagine it to look like at umpire's seat at a tennis match.  As the observer you see life before you and you let yourself feel, but you stay separate from your feelings because YOU ARE NOT YOUR FEELINGS.  Feelings, like experiences are just part of being human.  I personally tend to make feelings more important than they are.  I forget that they quickly pass.  This books says that when you stay in your seat, you will feel energy come from behind you and flow through you.  I must admit I'm finding this a bit hard to grasp.  But it sounds wonderful -- the freedom of not being thought-obsessed or overcome by emotion.  Inner peace!

Last point to note is the idea of inner disturbances.  The book says that when we have something that bothers us, rather than remove it, we tend to work around it -- adjust our behaviour and circumstances to accommodate it rather than just remove it.  For example, if we have a fear of rejection we might choose to always please others before ourselves, or we might stay closed or avoid relationships altogether.  These inner disturbances are basically blocked energy from our past. They can and should be removed.  If we don't release them, we will continue to focus on them because our consciousness tends to get drawn to the most distracting object.  It's similar to bumping your toe or hearing a loud noise, it has your attention.  And this is what happens when we get sucked in and fall from our seat.  We're overcome with emotion and can't see the forest from the trees. Even worse, we start to act out (e.g. yell at someone else, take revenge, etc.) thereby affecting someone else's inner peace ... all because we haven't dealt with our issues.  Sigh. 

I think I might have to re-read some of these ideas or at least let them simmer more.  Good stuff all around!

Consciousness

I'm reading an interesting book on consciousness and it's starting to draw some simple relationships in my mind.  This is helping me understand the concepts I've heard again and again, yet haven't quite grasped.  The idea that reality is based on perception starts to make sense until I think of feedback.  When I touch a table, it feels hard, so I know that it is there.  But is it really there?  Is it just what I've come to expect.  If I didn't experience the table would it be there?  OK, NOW YOU'VE LOST ME.

So this book breaks it down nicely like I am 6 years old, starting with the voice in your head.  I personally know this voice, because it talks to me constantly.  It reminds me of stuff I need to do (e.g. don't forget to call your mom), it chastises me for things I have done (e.g. why did you jump down his throat like that before giving him a chance to speak, you are so selfish), it likes to tell me why things are the way they are (e.g. he doesn't give a shit about you, he's disrespecting you again).  This books says that the voice is not you and just because it speaks does not mean we need to listen.  The voice is there to interpret reality for us so that we can feel safer in the world.  We often pay attention because we believe that it comes from some kind of inner wisdom.  But, really it does no more than fill the air.  For one thing the voice flip flips all over the place (e.g. you should work out, but then again your knees are sore and you need to rest, but you also ate like crap today and need to burn some caolories, etc.).  Secondly,  most of what the voice is doing is complaining -- looking for problems, looking for something to be bothered by.  In fact in my case, the voice never gives anyone the benefit of the doubt (e.g. why did he not say anything?  he's ignoring me again?  he's trying to distance himself from he -- he's trying to send a fucking message, etc.).  My voice dreams up all kinds of negative explanations when most of the time there's a reasonable explanation (e.g. he was on another computer and did not see my BBM, he was on the phone, he was deep into work).
Anyways, I've just scratched the surface but I look forward to learning more about this, including how to turn the voice off!  I have a feeling that it won't be possible though.  But awareness is usually an important step for me.  It's a nice way to spend a Saturday night.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Such a life changing book and as I re-read some of the notes I wrote 15 years ago I realize that I was too young to appreciate the significance of its teachings.  I also see how far I have to go to becoming truly authentic.  Aside from 'putting first things first' or 'seeking first to understand before wanting to be understood' -- the biggest challenge is choosing integrity.  Because with every choice I make in life, I should be asking myself "is this is where I want to get?" More often than not, the answer is no.  I do not live by the values I uphold.  And it's killing me.

Some notes on my Personal Mission Statement that I wrote in 1998:
I will honour all commitments.
I will keep promises to myself.
I will be trustworthy.
I will accept those moments of angst and cherish those opportunities to see myself honestly.
I will faithfully learn from my mistakes.
I will see the good in others and understand what motivates their behaviour.
I will be empathetic.
I will help others see the potential in themselves.
I will cease being the victim and realize that others have endured far worse.
I will believe that tomorrow will be a brighter day.

Making Work, Work

More summary notes on a book that's about to go back to the library -- Making work, work.

Although written for Highly Sensitive People in particular, I feel this book has a lot of good advice to offer anyone who has a job.  The author categorizes work into Drudgery, Craft and Calling and basically says that if you are stuck in Drudgery, you will never be happy -- so get out fast.
 
Drudgery is when you hate your job.  You feel like a slave.  Common elements:
1. environment:  noisy, odors, bad lighting, tight or cluttered space, long communte
2. task:  no control (e.g. restrictions on how and when work is carried out), repetitive, boring, not challenging, no sense of accomplishment
3. people:  negative attitude toward you (from boss, co-workers, clients), bullying

Prolonged work in Drudgery will ruin your health and destroy your self-confidence.  You can't be self-actualized if you are here.  Get out asap.

Calling is meca.  It's that place where work doesn't even feel like work.  You can lose yourself in it.  It's enjoyable.  It's a part of your identify.  Just typing this brings a smile to my face.  Here are some other attributes worth mentioning:

• sense of purpose
• feeling nourished by the work
• self-confidence:  an ability to relate to everyone as an equal
• able to adapt to change
• nonthreatened
• waking up with lots of ideas
• sense of rightness and harmony
• desire to do your best and eager for challenges

While I can't say that my current job is my Calling, I certainly feel strong elements of it.  Which brings me to Craft. Craft is that in-between state, not quite bliss, but not hell either -- kind of like purgatory.  Most people are probably here.

Labelling work like this helps me look at my career more objectively.  I can see where a promising job turned into Drudgery all because of a hellish boss.  I can also see where my strong commitment and tendency to please others kept me stuck rather than getting out for the sake of my health.  This is my nature though.  It's not uncommon for people in Drudgery to have a difficult time saying no.  This is essential in order to preserve your sanity.  Too often we take on more than we can handle or accept being treated without respect because we'd loathe to hurt someone else, or we avoid conflict, don't trust our own feelings or ruminate worst-case scenarios. The author provides some great advice on setting personal boundaries such as these:

• I value myself enough to trust my feelings
• I am capable of solving my problems
• I have the right to have hope
• I respect my body, feelings and thoughts
• I have the right to say that something bothers me, right away

The best advice was simply "listen to your intuition".  I know when something is not right -- when something goes against my values.  Learning to respectfully speak up can be difficult, but it's a must.

Some other advice for bosses is worth noting for myself:

• don't try to manipulate people with kindness (yikes)
• listen to other's ideas -- don't dismiss them right away
• give people the freedom to be as creative as they possibly can in doing their jobs

Learning how to recognize when your current job is Drudgery and forcing yourself to get out is critical to your happiness.  There's really no way to turn it around if all elements (environment, task, people (people is the biggest influencer) are bad.  I'm grateful to have this new perspective and also grateful that I have such a great job.

the Highly Sensitive Child

Another great parenting book to help me navigate my way.  This one on parenting the Highly Sensitive Child (HSC) was particularly helpful for learning how to deal with my eldest.  I find we are not as close and I have less patience for what I realize now are behaviours that come from being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP).  Rather than summarize the book, I made note of a few points that I need to keep in mind.  Luckily, most of the suggested parenting tips are ones I already strive for -- empathy, natural consequences, spending time with your child, respect, love.

Tendencies and Advice:

1. he notices subtleties: I'm both amazed and frustrated with this inate ability.  How wonderful it must be to be atune to and be able to appreciate SO much.  But at the same time it can lead to OCD-type behaviour, such as a need to be obsessively clean, or a fussiness for itchy fabrics.  With three kids in a busy household, I can't accomodate his desire for everything to be 'just so'.  The book suggests:

• awknowledging his discomfort (empathy) and then telling him how and when it will end.  Show respect for his response (something I don't do well), sympathy for his desired need, and my own valid reason to delay (or do nothing) (e.g. we have to use up this brand because we cannot afford to waste it).  He will grow in the ability to understand.  
• put him in charge of solving his own problems (e.g. if he's fussy with his socks then put him in charge of finding his own socks). 
• put limits on what you can be expected to do (e.g. I will tie your shoes for you up to three times, trying to follow your instructions, but after that it will have to suffice because by then I will frustrated too and won't have the time to continue).

2. he becomes easily overstimulated: Advice here is to don't let him go into a test unprepared -- talk about what could go wrong and how to handle it. Help him enjoy activities in a non-competitive environment.

3. he has stronger reactions: Advice to parents is to remain non-defensive; let him fully express his emotions (perhaps even in a private place) and be patient with him.  Admittedly, this is the hardest for me to do because I don't like strong reactions.

4. he will be cautious to proceed with new situations:  See the new situation from his perspective; point out what is familiar or what he has mastered; suggest small steps (e.g. tell him 'you don't have to talk, if you don't want to')

As a non-HSP I am likely to feel impatient because he pauses before acting. Expect that decisions in particular will be slow .... have patience!

Some other advice:

• don't make him your confidant (HSPs are great listeners)
• avoid teasing (he likely hears an undercurrent of hostility or superiority that comes with)
• ask for affection (e.g. ask "would you like a hug?") instead of demanding it; keep affection light and brief
• avoid invoking shame: feeling guilty assumes you did something wrong but that it's something you can make right; shame assumes you are bad and helpless to fix things (typical signs are hangs head, averts eyes, etc.). HSCs feel shame easily (it's self-inflicted), but they use the experience to learn -- they enjoy feeling virtuous and secure that they will never learn that kind of shame again from a similar experience
• practice gentle discipline (no punishment):  an explanation of why the behaviour is wrong should suffice; HSCs are hard enough on themselves, harsh punishment is too much to bear for most

Great advice here.  Not always easy to remember when I am in the moment.

The peace that passes all understanding...

is living in the present moment.

I finally did something fulfilling today -- I watched a webcast of Eckhart Tolle and Oprah discussing 'A New Earth'.  I've been watching these off and on for a while now and it was definitely time for a review.

Eventhough I have the knowledge, I am still ruled by my ego.  I focus way too much on the future, hoping that it will bring me some kind of fulfillment.  When all I really have is the now.  The future as I know it is just what I want it to be.  And when it's not, I am disappointed.  So many good take-aways in this webcast worth noting.

Here's another -- I've noticed that acceptance feels really good.  There's a certain peace that comes with letting go and just accepting what is, rather than clinging to what you want it to be.  It can be difficult to not resist, but when you finally do it's liberating.  The ego always wants to compare itself to others.  When I'm feeling superior or inferior to someone else, I am being ruled by my ego.  These are great reminders because I do find myself doing this.  Another sign is feeling threatened when someone challenges my opinion.  It's just an opinion, it's not who I am.

Same things goes with being tied to things.  When I lose or break things, I sometimes get upset.  They are just things, they are not who I am.  Instead of accumulating things, try appreciating them for what they are and walking away, such as window shopping.  Wanting more is another sign of the ego because the ego is never satisfied.  I lived that one just today when I realized that something I so desperately wanted had lost its novelty already and made not one ioda of difference in my life.  Again, it's striving for some future state instead of just being happy with what you have and what you are in the present moment.

How about being tied to our identity, such as youth and beauty.  External beauty fades for all life forms.  It is our destiny.  Accepting that is powerful.  The irony is thick, because I am living that now.  But a good reminder is to not put that on my daughter.  I don't want her growing up thinking that who she is is 'pretty'.  She most certainly is, but pretty fades.  She's way more than that.  Last one is labelling things instead of experiencing their aliveness.  This is easy to do -- we treat others according to their role, or according to our own perceptions of who they are instead of just experiencing who they are in that moment.  I'm feeling really good about all this.  I hope it sticks.  I'll keep blogging about it and re-reading it until it does!

Love in the time of cholera

Finally finished this book and even though I didn't really enjoy reading it, it touched on some of the things I spend endless hours wondering and worrying about.

Sole mates -- is there such a thing?
Here we have a young man who falls desperately in love with a girl he hardly knows.  She marries someone else and he spends the rest of his life obsessed with her, waiting for the day he can pledge his undying love to her.  Here's the thing -- at 20 yrs old, how do you really know what love is?  How can you love someone you don't have a relationship with?  How can you love someone that doesn't love you back?  Maybe his love came from her rejection of him.  He loved her because he couldn't have her.  Or maybe he was in love with the idea of a perfect relationship. What if she had in fact loved him back?  Would their love had lasted?  Or would he have eventually become another disappointment, just like her husband.

The insufferable penance of married life
One of my fav quotes in the book: "The problem in public life is learning to overcome terror; the problem in married life is learning to overcome boredom."  The female protagonists is trapped in a passionless marriage, spends her life in a state of sadness and guilt -- for being unfulfilled and for not being more grateful for the husband who tries desperately to win her affections and make her happy. He gracefully accepts her disappointment in him and even says at one point "Always remember that the most important thing in a good marriage is not happiness, but stability".  The book is obviously popular because married ppl can relate.  This is the problem I continue to have with marriage.  The institution turns good relationships bad.  I see it all around me -- the bitterness and contempt my friends have for their spouses.  Where is the love?  You are clearly miserable.  You no longer bring out the best in each other -- you are practically enemies.  I see it this way.  We choose our partners too young -- we don't even know who we are, let alone who is right for us.  And then we spend the rest of our lives chained to this person, trying to make it work because we're not quitters and we have to do what's right by putting our offspring's needs ahead of our own. 'Making it work' builds character.  We resolve ourselves to a boring and miserable married life because "that's just what marriage is".  You are considered disillusioned to expect that your spouse should make your stomach flip flop after 20 yrs of marriage.  Or are you?  Maybe you've just married the wrong person.  And if you meet people with whom you are more compatible later in life it doesn't matter because you've made your choice and you have to live with the consequences and you have to call that commitment 'love'.

Unhealthy obsessive love
The male protagonist was sick with love.  Here's another quote:  "self-absorbed love was revealed to him for what it was: a pitfall of happiness that he despised and desired at the same time, but from which it was impossible to escape."  Self-absorbed is a good way to describe this behaviour.  It's the ego, completely out of control -- obsessed with wanting something to make itself whole.  You can't be at peace when you covet anything.  I felt sorry for the protagonist.  He wasted his life wanting. 

Anyways, it was good to read about emotion -- passion, turmoil, content.  Lots to think about and that's always something I enjoy doing.

The final testament

Just finished another great book by James Frey.  Yes, he's controversial and his talent is a bit over-blown, but this is a profound book.  At least it was for me.  I'm feeling really down lately and although Frey told the stories of the saddest, poorest and most hopeless of urban America, the message of love made me want to cry for joy.  I realize that it's cliché to say that love is the answer.  I keep forgetting that it's not just a precusor to marriage.  You have to feel it everyday if you really want happiness.  Loving yourself, loving others, loving life.  In Frey's book the Messiah is reborn and spends his time in NYC transforming people's lives with love -- a warm hug, a sincere conversation, a gentle kiss, and always an "I love you".  God is love was the message.  Love each other.  Nothing is more powerful than the love of another human being.  So spend your life loving and giving as much as you can.  This is God.  I think I'm going to cry again.  Too often we think we have love, but then it quickly dies and we're left chasing things that don't make us happy or feel good instead of just making love.  I realize this is sounding like a Hippie Manifesto.  But think about how great it feels to be loved and to love.  And yet those moments are few and far between.  When you have love in your heart, you have compassion for others, differences melt away, you accept people as they are and life is bliss.

I have to return this book to the library, but wanted to note some of the other great messages:
Life is about living simply, helping others and feeling everything you can feel.  It's not about the accumulation of wealth and possessions.  It's about the accumulation of friends. The more you have, the more you want.  The more complicated your life is, the more miserable you are.  The more you work, the less you live.
God is infinity.  Most of us can't understand how big infinity is.
Focusing on life after death causes you to forsake life. 
Religion is man's greatest con.  If I claim to have a direct relationship with and a unique understanding of God and I claim that he created everything and knows everything and controls your fate including your destiny after death, I can use that power to make you live as I want you to live, including being a slave.
Religions and governments are instruments of greed and power.  They exist to exploit and control humanity and the earth's resources.

These ideas are not new, but it was refreshing to read.  I feel at my best when my love tank is full.  It's so much easier to deal with D and the kids. I can see more clearly.  The glass is half full.  I love that feeling.  And I know it can last.  My friend Tara talks about acting out of love.  She's very aware of where her actions come from and tries hard to make sure they come from a place of love.  This makes a lot of sense to me. I'm going to think about and try to feel love everyday, even if I don't get it back.  I know if feels equally good to be kind and loving to someone else.

Critical Thinking

More from my Hedges book, The World As It Is -- rebellion seems to be the only real means to change.  But who am I kidding, mother of three -- I am not going to take leave from work to join the Occupy Movement. So then I ask myself -- why bother? What am I doing here learning about all this, getting angry and depressed and doing nothing. What is the point. Sadly, I still haven't figured it out. But what I do find I am starting to do is think critically. Take this excellent Chomsky quote:

"Don’t take assumptions for granted. Begin by taking a skeptical attitude toward anything that is conventional wisdom. Make it justify itself. It usually can’t. Be willing to ask questions about what is taken for granted. Try to think things through for yourself. There is plenty of information. You have got to learn how to judge, evaluate and compare it with other things. You have to take some things on trust or you can’t survive. But if there is something significant and important don’t take it on trust. As soon as you read anything that is anonymous you should immediately distrust it. If you read in the newspapers that Iran is defying the international community, ask who is the international community? India is opposed to sanctions. China is opposed to sanctions. Brazil is opposed to sanctions. The Non-Aligned Movement is vigorously opposed to sanctions and has been for years. Who is the international community? It is Washington and anyone who happens to agree with it. You can figure that out, but you have to do work. It is the same on issue after issue.”

I don't instinctively do this. I trust what I'm being told and am often the first in line for koolaide. Hopefully reading and learning about the perils of corporatism will help me develop this quality.

The truth will set you free

Am reading an incredible book by the insightful and highly intelligent Chris Hedges. Even from the introduction, I am inspired by his writing. He compares his role to that of a preacher whose job is to preach the truth. He writes to expose the lies and injustices that have resulted from unfettered corporatism and to "call people to arms". According to him, being objective means that you accept the status quo. How can you be objective about death squads, massacres and civilian deaths at the hands of profiteers of war? How can you be objective about 33.2 million Americans who depend on food stamps? How can you be objective about 20 000 Americans who died last year because they did not receive adequate health care? Balanced news prevents us from feeling and its part of the reason we've lost our moral compass. Empathy, passion and a quest for justice are what's needed to effect change.

This challenges some of my recent thinking that it is dangerous to be single-minded and to vilify those who don't share your opinion. How will you ever be able to solve problems together if you are so divisive in your views? But then again, Chris Hedges viewpoint makes sense to me. You have to take a stand and fight against the injustices of the world or else you're inhumane.

I appreciate putting objectivity under the micro-scope. There's so much to learn here, that I'll have to devote a few blog posts to this.

Intuitive Eating

Unfortunately I rushed through this book because it was overdue, but I think I caught the just of it. In order to return to your inborn instincts to eat only what your body needs, you have to de-program all of your learned eating habits. You know the ones -- depriving our bodies, feeling unnecessary guilt over food choices and binge eating to avoid the guilt. Some of the principles were helpful:

1. Respect your hunger - don't eat a PB&J sandwich on the way to a nice restaurant meal. Let food satisfy your hunger. I do this -- stuff my face with crappy snacks so that by the time I eat dinner I'm already full and the food doesn't taste good because I am not hungry.

2. Respect your body. My body houses my spirit and mind. It's here for the long term to carry me through life. Rather than focus on imperfections, respect what my body has done for me. For example, take my feet -- they are dry and calloused and tired looking. But look at how many kilometers I've run!

3. Separate exercise from diet. Moving my body is good for my health. I've got to stop thinking of exercise as punishment for poor eating. I also have to realize that exercise can still be enjoyable even when I'm in poor shape. I'm improving my strength, flexibility, coordination, balance and cardio. Weight loss should not be my motivation to exercise.

4. Don't make food my enemy. When we make certain foods 'forbidden' we end up craving them more. We satiate our desire with something else, but it never satisfies because we still crave what is forbidden. So we cave, binge and then hate ourselves afterwards. This example was memorable -- if you offer free pizza to some college kids everyday they'll initially be excited but by the 20th day they won't want to ever look at pizza again. If I allow myself to be habituated to 'forbidden' foods I might find that I don't want them as much as I think I do.

5. Satisfy your desires. Think about what you really want to eat -- sweet, salty, crunchy, smooth, chewy, crispy, saucy, etc. Don't just eat because you have to, but eat what you really want to eat. This one is tough. I tried it yesterday -- one donut and two brownies is what happened. It's going to take some de-programming, but the idea here is that if you allow yourself to eat what you want, you will end up choosing what your body needs. You will make healthy choices.

6. Feel your fullness. In an ideal world we would not eat for emotional reasons, we would not eat to avoid wasting food, we would not eat out of bordem. As with anything, taking a few minutes to be aware will guide your behaviour.

Constructive Criticism

I'm reminded of some sage advice from the book "How to win friends and influence people" -- don't criticize, ever. Tonight I approached my partner about an email he wrote to our friends to cancel a camping trip we had planned with them for next weekend. The email was all business and showed no sign of remorse. It's not how I would have handled things. In fact I thought he was going to call them. Of course what's done is done. I have no idea how they feel about it, but if it were me receiving that email, I would've been pissed. So I spoke up. I even thought about how I could gently put it to him without sounding critical. And I fell flat on my face. He got all angry and defensive and told me that if I didn't like how he handled it, then I should've done it myself. Ugh. I SUCK at constructive criticism. Even as the words left my mouth, I knew it would be a mess. Why did I feel compelled to say anything. They are HIS friends afterall. Now he's pissed and I feel like crap. It was hardly a fight, but it really got me thinking about criticism and if there ever is an appropriate time to 'correct' someone. No, there is not. The world is critical enough without having to hear it at home too.

The Balanced Life

We've all heard about how important it is to achieve balance in order to have a fulfilling life. But I never stopped to think about why until reading a book my Intuitive recommended --

Take Time for Your Life. There's not a lot new there that hasn't been covered in other self-help books, but there are plenty of suggestions on how to restore balance. This made sense to me: when your life is balanced you are more easily able to handle change that occurs in one area of your life, because you have the others to support you. My best example was a past relationship -- my then boyfriend was my world. I had stopped spending time doing the activities I loved, I had lost my close friendships and was devoting way too much time to the relationship. So it's no wonder that I fell apart at the seams after we broke up. Same thing goes for work. I spend way too much time thinking about work when I am not working. I would likely fall apart should my career unexpectedly change for the worse.

My life is fairly balanced today, but I could stand to devote more time to spiritual practice and fun and adventure. I look forward to making some adjustments because this idea of balance sounds very comforting.

The Good Marriage

This is a book that was referred to in another pop-psyche book I'm reading (asside: I've got to invest in reading something different for a change). Apparently this book looked at several successful marriages to see what they had in common. The author's study found that the majority of these relationships put their union as a high priority. They treasured being married. Most also had a romantic relationship -- intense love is what kept them together. That also included lots of sex. According to this book, my relationship is more of a companionship -- lots of commonality and a strong committment to raising a family together. But we've become like brother and sister because of it. And apparently that's typical. Can we get that dose of rommance if we never had it? Not likely. Are we doomed? Time will tell, I guess.

Saying Goodbye

Another tid bit from my Cheryl Richardson book (it's not really that great a book, but I feel there's a reason I should be reading it) -- the idea of writing love letters at the end of your life. The author worked with a woman who was dying and wanted to leave letters to her young children (for them to open in adulthood) that expressed how much she loved them. Eventhough she was gravely ill, she was still able to articulate things like:

what I love most about you is ...
what I'm sorry for is ...
what I dream for you is ...

I have got to do this too -- not because I feel like my time has come (hopefully I still have quite a few good years ahead of me), but because just in case anything happens I want my loved ones to know what they mean to me. Plus writing that note of gratitude for my boss (as difficult a person she can be) really filled my heart with love and allowed me to see things from a different point of view. It's addictive really. What else can I love?

Holding my breath

Another tid bit from my Cheryl Richardson book -- nothing lasts so don't fear the future. Know that life will get worse -- you will get sick, lose your job, have your heart broken, lose a loved one. It's how you are able to handle these pitfalls that's most important. Enjoy the good times, but take time everyday to build your spiritual health so that when you fall, you won't come completely undone. This makes a lot of sense to me. I used to think "I want to really enjoy myself in this moment, but I'm afraid that it will end." Well, it's supposed to end. That's the duality of life. Gotta love those reality cheques. K, I'm buying that, so how do I go about becoming spiritually healthy? This book talks about surrendering to a Divine power. Hmmmm, sounds too much like religion which I have a complete disdain for lately. I like the idea of strengthening my core though. In fact I really admire people who are strong inside. They are not afraid of emotions and allow themselves to feel but are not ruled by their emotions.