Outdoor Summer Concerts

I'm a late-bloomer when it comes to concerts. Always thought live music was poorly sung, over-priced and crowded. That was until I discovered outdoor summer concerts. Just typing those three words puts a smile on my face. First the weather -- warm with a hint of cool breeze, dark skies, stars, moon ... heaven. Then there's the buzz in the air. Young and old -- people are out to have a good time and their mood is contagious. I love every part of it, even standing in line for a beer with anticipation, debating whether I should double fist it or be lady-like and drink one at a time. Then the show -- the music and effects when done well are mesmerizing. I enjoy watching the band playing with passion and really getting into their act. I enjoy watching the audience bop to the music and sing-along to their fav song. The smell of cigarettes and dope also adds to the ambiance. And luckily for me I get to round out my concert evening by biking home in the dark. FUN! I'm sitting here tonight listening to some 'Deathcab for Cutie' wishing that I had seen them at Bluesfest as well. Sadly, my outdoor summer concert experience is over for another year. It's a definite summer highlight for me that I will always look forward to. Bliss.

Laws of the universe

Even though none of what my intuitive told me five months ago has come true, her advice to 'look for the signs' has really stuck. When I hear of something more than once, I start to pay attention -- this can only be a sign. So tonight when I flicked on the TV, a therapist was telling a patient about the law of attraction. You get what you give. All you need to do is ask. This is the second time this week that I am reminded of this simple and powerful law. So what does it mean to me right now. K -- I feel stuck in my relationships and career. I'm wasting way too much time 'suffering' instead of just being happy. Be happy D. FFS, this constant state of brooding, the continuous complaining about everyone else, it's just got to stop. I can't stand to hear myself go off anymore. I have to take control of my life and force myself to either a) accept (and I mean truly accept) or b) make changes. The universe is giving me more of the same. By focusing on my unhappiness, I am finding more things to be unhappy about. Positive thinking, where are you? What I'd really like to do is forget about putting my happiness at the feet of my boss, or my partner. I'd like to tell them both to fuck off. K, not quite. But I'd like it if I was in my own world and not bothered by what they are doing or not doing. Being happy about myself -- proud of my actions and choices. This is what will bring me happiness.

dolce far niente

'The sweetness of doing nothing', as told in the book 'Eat, Pray, Love' is meant to be the ultimate goal of working. Zoning out in front of the tube is not it -- it's about seeking pleasure, not having a plan, just 'being'. How incredibly liberating is that?

 

However, my first reaction was that time should never be wasted and that idleness is laziness. I could relate to the author's description of her Puritan work ethic -- "growing up, the walls were papered with to-do lists!" And the ingrained sense of guilt for not deserving happiness (hense the popular slogans : 'you deserve a break today' , 'this bud's for you', 'because you're worth it') really hit home. When the author tried to settle into the beauty of doing nothing, her urge was treat it like a task -- "how is pleasure most efficiently maximized?" OMG this is so me.

 

Neurosis, aside I'm beginning to appreciate the fine art of just going with the flow and not feeling guilty for not being productive.  This way of life is so healthy and utterly beautiful.... and within my grasp, if I just let it happen.

Gratitude

It's come up a lot in the past year. Most people would consider themselves grateful -- who wants to be an ingrate? But how does one practice gratitude and is it really the key to happiness? I've never been one to embrace the concept of gratitude fully because I grew up being told to be grateful. My mother would warn me to show more gratitude or "the Lord would put you in a position of need and you'd end up crying for what you once took for granted". That kind of advice is right up there with being repeatedly told to not waste food because of the poor kids in Africa. So rather than look at gratitude as an insurance exercise, how can it really improve my relationships, make me a better person and also give my the illusive inner peace I so greatly desire?

I've read that when you are focused on being grateful for what you have, you're less likely to waste time thinking about what is lacking in your life. As I've learned this year, it's those 'wants' that can drive you crazy -- that make you look at your life with dissatisfaction and disdain. Your wants never satisfy you either because you'll always want something more no matter what you have. Wanting is bad - got it.

I'd like to have genuine feelings of gratitude on a daily basis. Some effort is required:
Compassion is a good start. There's nothing like opening your heart and trying to feel another person's pain to make you feel grateful for what you have. That sounds awful -- it should not be the reason we support our loved ones, but it's there in the back of your head -- "thank gawd I am not you".

I've learned this year that to express gratitude feels really good -- I mean REALLY GOOD. Just today I thanked a friend and I could feel a nice warm smile inside me. I can also see the effect it has on the person who feels appreciated. Who wants to be taken for granted?

Sometimes when I'm hosting my own pity party, it's tough to find much to be grateful for -- health, family, career, friends, blah, blah, blah. Yes, it's the same old list, but I shouldn't forget that those are my priorities! Being grateful endears me to them more. Suddenly the little pissoff daily annoyances don't matter when you stop to think about what you love about your life.

Lets not forget being grateful for the little things as well. I find that the added benefit is that it keeps me more present. I would hardly call myself an observant person, but when I take the time to notice and appreciate life's little things, like that all my family members are peacefully sleeping right now which gives me a few minutes of quiet, or that today was perfect Spring weather and I got to spend a good chunk of it outside or that I was able to help my child calm herself down without losing my patience for the first time in a long time ... I could seriously go on and on here ... it just makes me love life more.

Being grateful keeps me satisfied -- what I have is enough.