I Remember

How can I express how I feel about November 11th without coming off like a complete ingrate. It's a day of mixed emotions for me. Part of me is loyal to my roots -- my Dad is extremely proud of his 35 years of military service, as am I. The Armed Forces rescued my Dad from a hopeless, loveless and poverty-stricken upbringing. The opportunities afforded by a military life is certainly what gave my sister and I most of what we have today. I am also incredibly grateful that my Dad did not see conflict overseas. I remember being terrified as a child during the Falkland Islands and also later hearing of how close Canada was to going to Vietnam. There's no question that my old man was ready to serve his country. Lucky for us, it never happened.

I also have tremendous respect for people who make it their livelihood to serve other people. The medical profession, enforcement, safety -- these are my heroes. It's clearly more than a pay cheque for them. They give WAY more than they receive. They are deserving of our respect.

And then there's the pacifist in me who has a really hard time honouring war. No one can argue about the death, destruction and debt that ensue and yet here we are being given a day off to 'remember'. There is no such thing as a noble cause. Why must we continue to force our beliefs and values on other cultures? What the fuck are we fighting for really? Money, pure and evil. I will not honour the military industrial complex. I just won't.

I feel sorry for the families of those who died in combat. They did not have a choice. But please, let's not put Afghanistan in the same boat. WWII was the last 'just' war -- our sovereignty was in eminent danger. Somehow by honouring world wars, the default has become 'homage to all combat'. I also make a distinction between inscription and voluntary service. If you choose to join the military then you choose to accept the risks that come with the job. It takes a brave person to put their life on the line for their beliefs, but let's not forget that they are the beliefs of the government and not necessarily those of its citizens.

Of course any criticism of the military that I express is perceived as treason. I wouldn't dare say any of this to my 'Support Our Troops' faring family. So I keep it to myself and every November 11th, I take a few quiet minutes to think about what the world would look like if we were all at peace -- peace with each other and most importantly, peace with ourselves. That's what I think we should be remembering. xx

Things I wish I had time for

This recent posting from one of my fav blogs gave me clarity.

Why is it I spend so much time surfing, blogging, face-booking ... wasting time!

The things that I really want to do take time, seem daunting and may have a low probability of success. Often I need a quick fix -- I've got to escape from life for 10 mins -- just enough time to pop online and connect with my friends, pop culture, anything but my mundane existence.

But if I add up all these little breaks, I'm wasting a huge amount of time that I could be spending doing what needs to get done -- things that will give me HUGE satisfaction. I need to break up the big things into manageable chunks. I hate leaving things unfinished, which is why I never start, but I've got to make progress.

So here goes, a new 'Things To Do (instead of surfing)' list:

1. READ - where did I leave my book? if I go looking for it downstairs someone will see me and want something; I wish that I could pull it out of my butt whenever I wanted; even reading 5 pages is better than nothing .

2. FINANCES - it's daunting yes, but I should start looking at things like how much $ I need to cash out to prepare for our solar project, if we're caught up on our RESPs this year, if we can dump something on our mortgage, etc.

3. PURGE - I'd love to do a clean sweep, but it's not going to happen. How about the office closet for starters? The kids room is jam packed with toys they no longer play with. There's also a pile of broken toys that should just be pitched.

4. EXERCISE - why not just drop to the floor right now and 100 sit-ups, lunges or squats?

5. RESEARCH - ideas for Xmas, new recipes, teaching tips and tricks for skating, reading, piano, there's any number of things I've been meaning to look up but never seem to remember when I've hopped online.

I'll leave it at that for now. Am thinking that if I'm truly serious I should go on a FB diet ....

It's the Thought that counts

My mom and dad were over the other day to drop off some gifts they picked up for us on their trip to Israel. The kids were pretty happy as was I to hear that they had a great time. A few days later, my mom asked me about my gifts -- "you didn't show much reaction, did you like them?" "Yes, of course, thank you." That wasn't good enough. In fact it was the tipping point. She proceeded to tell me that she was hurt that I never show appreciation for the presents she buys me and that she hoped I was not like this with my partner or my in-laws. Yikes!

 

I tried to give her the reassurance she was looking for, but I've been thinking about it ever since ... how did this happen? I think it's because we are not poor. Growing up, money was tight and gifts were rare. Whenever my sister or I got anything, it was a BIG DEAL. We were over the moon and would treasure even the tiniest package of gum. But now I have everything and things in fact mean very little to me. I buy myself stuff all the time and most of the time it actually depresses me because I have to find a home for it amongst the clutter, I have to dust it, I have to eventually throw it out and feel guilty for spending money on it in the first place. I didn't have the heart to explain any of this to my Mom. She'll never get it. Even though my parents are no longer poor, they will always be frugal.

So what does matter? Well I love it when my mom brings me food, when she plays with the kids, tells them stories about my childhood, goes running with me, irons my clothes, bakes me pies. Those are the things I am over the moon for. She wants to see a reaction out of me -- sure --- those are the things I will show her I am grateful for. Yes sirree!

Sustained Attention

From an RM Job Description (CR-04): Sustained attention for short periods, averaging 2‑3 weeks per year, is required when developing technical specifications to accurately depict the information management structure; lapse in attention may result in missing or misunderstanding key information..

YIKES!

I have ADHD. Self-discipline is not my friend. I need to lock myself in my office, disable my Internet access and just get 'er done. Help!

Domineering, Direct, Demanding

I took some management courses last week and one of the activities was a personality/behaviour test of sorts. The idea being that you must know yourself before you can adjust your behaviour to interact with people who are not like you.

So here's me -- no surprises there. I was hoping that my softer side would start to shine through by now, but this is still my core being. I especially like these statements:

They tend to tell people what to do rather than ask them to do it.

They believe that their way is the best way and they tend to disregard the opinions and ideas of others.

They will tell it like it is and may come across as harsh or blunt.

Ahhh .... doesn't everyone love warm and fuzzy people like this? Thanks to all of my navel-gazing, I already know that I need to watch my tone, choose my words more carefully, ask (instead of demand) and listen. Alright, I get it already!

But enough about me. I made my partner do the test and he's the complete opposite. Although I disagreed with some of his answers, he's a type 'S' (slow and steady). Loyal, dependable, calm -- yep! He is the ying to my yang. And I would hazard a guess that my dearest friends are also Ses (that includes you too Steph). But this is the killer:

If there are changes to be implemented ensure you give them warning enough that they are able to prepare themselves for it
High S's need direction, they need to know how they are meant to do things and when they need to be done.
High S's respond well to constant appreciation, the more praise they receive the better they work

NO KIDDING!

We all appreciate a little direction to make sure we're likely to succeed. And you'd think this would work really well for my controlling style. But I hate being like this! Trust your intuition, figure it out, please -- no more questions. I also resent having to be SO grateful for every little thing. Of course, this is exactly what I need to work on -- showing appreciation.

If these are my partners 'faults' then hell, I would love to trade places with him. He is Zen and I am Piss and Vinegar (cider vinegar :-)). He could take a page out of my 'can do' book and I could learn a thing or two about letting things go.

Treat others as they want to be treated

A new twist on the Golden Rule. I like it a lot.

Awaiting Moderation, eh?

I'm not much of a contributor of knowledge, but at times I want to provide my two cents. I try my best to be polite and to the point, but sometimes my feedback is just not appreciated. Take this posting on what used to be one of my fav blogs about personal finance. It shouldn't shock me that yet another blogger is exploiting her readership by touting merchandise under the guise of advice, but that she's calling her frivolous purchase 'frugal' is enough to make me un-friend her blog.

I will not be shunned. So here are my comments out there in the blog sphere. Take that!

"These are definitely cuter than any grocery store cupcake I’ve ever seen and would probably rival most designer cupcakes that are in vogue right now. However I am surprised that you would advocate buying a single-use seasonal pan for this project. In fact most festive merchandise is a complete waste of money. Just walk through any craft store at this time of year if you want to be sickened by the amount of consumerist plastic garbage being shoved in our faces as essential housewares. I’m sure you could’ve achieved close to the same results by cutting out your cupcakes from a sheet cake. Or how about renting those shaped pans from the Bulk Barn for around $2/day? Think about it -- this pan will be used once and stored for 364 days. I think you’ve advised this before — the best way to be frugal is to just do without."