The Ideal Job

Before I return "Take Time for Your Life", I want to jot down a few take-aways. When my friends and I whinge about work, we often end up asking ourselves -- "k, what is it you want then?" Huh? There's a lot of pressure to find your calling -- to be doing the job you are most ideally suited to --the one that will allow you to give more than you get, and make you enjoy it so much that it won't even feel like work. With so much of our lives spent working, it's only normal to keep questioning how we're spending our time. So when I read this list of job criteria, it helped me realize that the ideal job is more than working in a hot field for lots of money.

• Work must never cause me to compromise my integrity. Check!
• The required hours must allow me to have a life outside of work. Check!
• My contribution must be acknowledged and appreciated.
• The work must be challenging and fulfilling. (what is fulfilling exactly?)
• I must have an opportunity to use my best talents and gifts fully.
• I must be able to provide my input for important decisions. Check!
• My work must serve a greater purpose. Check!
• I must be paid fairly for the work I perform. Check!

That's pretty decent! And a few of those are almost there. I feel much better about my job, having looked at it with a different perspective. Once again, things are never as bad as they seem.

Constructive Criticism

I'm reminded of some sage advice from the book "How to win friends and influence people" -- don't criticize, ever. Tonight I approached my partner about an email he wrote to our friends to cancel a camping trip we had planned with them for next weekend. The email was all business and showed no sign of remorse. It's not how I would have handled things. In fact I thought he was going to call them. Of course what's done is done. I have no idea how they feel about it, but if it were me receiving that email, I would've been pissed. So I spoke up. I even thought about how I could gently put it to him without sounding critical. And I fell flat on my face. He got all angry and defensive and told me that if I didn't like how he handled it, then I should've done it myself. Ugh. I SUCK at constructive criticism. Even as the words left my mouth, I knew it would be a mess. Why did I feel compelled to say anything. They are HIS friends afterall. Now he's pissed and I feel like crap. It was hardly a fight, but it really got me thinking about criticism and if there ever is an appropriate time to 'correct' someone. No, there is not. The world is critical enough without having to hear it at home too.

How to be convincing

I finally have the ear of my Bosses Boss and I'm struggling to get him to see things my way. He's a super busy exec and doesn't have much time or patience for the IM problem which has traditionally been our defense for getting funding for IM -- the loss of corporate memory, legal risk or disposing of the wrong information, the invasion of privacy of disclosing personal info, etc. So I've got to figure out what he wants and show him that my suggestions are the only viable solution. So much fucking pressure!
The other part of me doesn't want to care. Put myself out there, only to be slammed. He's an IT guy, IM is a thorn in his side that I'm sure he'd love to be done with it. How did we go from a budget of 1 million to less than 20% of that? How did we go from a team of 7 to 4? It's pointless. I'm horrible with rejection too. When I really care about something and put myself out there, I can't help but take it personally when my ideas go no where. But then again, I should take a risk. If I don't make a case for change that I really believe in then I have no right to complain. I got up early this morning to outline the business case that was swimming around in my head last night. I'm going to do this.

In love

A couple of male co-workers were talking about how easy it is to tell when a woman stops loving you. Apparently we are so obvious about our love -- we hang on their every word, laugh at all their jokes, touch them all the time, act silly, smother them with affection ... oh please!
And when the bubble pops, it's all business -- "I'm fine". I tried to argue that it was not the end of love, but the end of the honeymoon phase. Of course neither of these bachelors have ever gotten past puppy love, so it's no wonder they don't know what I'm talking about. I sometimes wonder if I know what I'm talking about. I look at other couples who have been together a while and I can't see any of these signs of love and I wonder if their private moments are different. But then for others, I can see a certain glimmer between them. He lights up when she walks in the room, she proudly talks about something great that he's done, he hurries to her side to help her with something, she admiringly smiles at him from across the room, he rushes back to his desk to answer her email, she posts pics of them together on FB. I can tell when it's still there. *sigh*

You have a big heart

Really? A friend of mine told me this today and she's someone whose opinion I trust. WTF though. No one has ever said that about me. Ever. In fact I don't think of myself as someone who has a lot of empathy and cares about other people's feelings. But I guess my desire to be more like this is finally starting to work? Even though it was shocking, it was nice to hear. Wow, I have a big heart. ♥

The Balanced Life

We've all heard about how important it is to achieve balance in order to have a fulfilling life. But I never stopped to think about why until reading a book my Intuitive recommended --

Take Time for Your Life. There's not a lot new there that hasn't been covered in other self-help books, but there are plenty of suggestions on how to restore balance. This made sense to me: when your life is balanced you are more easily able to handle change that occurs in one area of your life, because you have the others to support you. My best example was a past relationship -- my then boyfriend was my world. I had stopped spending time doing the activities I loved, I had lost my close friendships and was devoting way too much time to the relationship. So it's no wonder that I fell apart at the seams after we broke up. Same thing goes for work. I spend way too much time thinking about work when I am not working. I would likely fall apart should my career unexpectedly change for the worse.

My life is fairly balanced today, but I could stand to devote more time to spiritual practice and fun and adventure. I look forward to making some adjustments because this idea of balance sounds very comforting.

What drains you?

Putting up and putting off -- these two acts are what drains us the most according to the book Take Time for Your Life. I always thought that having a 'To Do' list would allow me to be more efficient with my time. However what inevitably happens is that it's a reminder of what I am not doing. Even the innocuous tasks that don't require much effort, when left ignored act as a tiny sieves of your energy. I can choose to take action, bit by bit or re-prioritize. 'Someday' is not a bad thing as every task cannot be high priority.
The same goes with putting up with difficult people -- the needy friends, the negative co-workers, the depressed family members. They put chinks in your armour which wear you down. Unfortunately these can be harder to deal with. But it's not impossible. Emotional barriers help. Letting others know what your priorities are works too. Last night I reminded my partner that time alone to read was important for me to wind down before bed. It's not something I'm always consistent with, so I understand his confusion, but I'm making it a priority. I can also eliminate tasks that drain me by committing to fewer things that suck my energy and give me little joy in return. It means that I may have to let go of control and just get a house cleaner. But I think it will restore my energy which will make everyone happier in the end.