Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Relationship learnings

Never let loneliness or comfort pull you back into the arms of someone who made you unhappy or didn’t treat you right.

Sage advice.  Someone who made you unhappy: was the unhappiness caused by mistakes (made on both sides), that created years of  resentment and ultimately complete detachment?  Or was it just not a good fit from the start?  An inability to fufill eachother's needs.

I know this of myself: I am critical of my partner when he can't meet my needs.  I really need to work on expressing my needs instead of acting out.  However, it means so much more when your partner can intuit your needs and has a desire to fulfil them.  So much sweeter when he has a natural ability to give you what you need then having to provide instructions.  Back to the criticism though -- not good for the health of the relationship; really erodes connection.  So I must be direct about my needs and not be ashamed of them!  Sometimes I think it's nobel to deny myself of what I want because:
  • I don't feel I'm deserving of them
  • they seem superfluous (You want to be treated like a princess. Really? But you are a feminist FFS)
  • I feel that my partner can't be trusted to provide what I need
So why set yourself up for disappointment?  Having expecations just leads to disaster in the end.  Or does it?  I've had relationships that fulfilled my needs, even though I didn't really know myself or what I wanted.  But now, I KNOW WHAT I NEED.  And I can easily determine if someone is able (or not able) to meet those needs.  Gawd, how selfish does this sound.  Relationships are about give and give afterall.  Well, I know what I can offer too.  I know my strengths.  Love makes you want to make your partner happy.  And yet, I still suck at relationships.

Friday, November 14, 2014

Walking the Camino

I went to see this movie tonight, all by myself.  Whoop!
What a surreal experience for me.  I forgot how enjoyable that can be -- just me and the big screen.  And the movie itself was excellent.  Gave me lots to think about:  facing your fears, calming your demons, finding peace and solitude, connecting with nature, honouring your body, embracing change, challenging your mind and spirit.  Wow.  I'm certain all who have seen this movie left feeling inspired.  I will do this pilgrimage someday.  On my own.  Once the kids are older, sigh.  Interesting parallel for me is that I need to walk my own Camino of sorts right now.  I need to heal my heart, make a fresh start and figure out what I want. And I can only do this alone.  I've spent the last five months wrapped up in deceit, guilt, anxiety and sadness.  I know there is still more of that to come -- need to live through the emotions in order to get over them.  But after seeing this movie, I feel more at peace than I've felt in a long time.  The lies are behind me now.  It still hurts and the shame and guilt will likely always be there.  But I can look at myself in the mirror now.  I have to impress no one. I'm not putting my happiness in the hands of someone else either.  No more anxiety.  And that is something to be grateful for.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

25 Things About Me

25. I'm a great coach;  love encouraging others to excel.

24. Being grateful fills my heart -- kept a daily list going for a year.

23. I both love and hate making things-to-do-lists.

22. I'm proudest of how decent my kids are -- three of the kindest, most honest, lovely people I know.

21. I'm a romantic.

20. Passionate people inspire me. 

19. TED talks are like foreplay.

18. I find it hard to relax and do nothing.

17. I love learning new things, as long as they are not too complex.

16. I'm a sucker for a pretty face -- male or female

15. I'm gullable like my old man. Someday I will lose a lot of money on a shady deal.

14. I strive for peace in my relationships.

13. Hugs and kisses calm me down.

12. I'm horrible at Eucre (most card games really).

11. Sugar is the nectar of life.

10. I love flavourful food (who doesn't) but feel silly that I called myself a foodie for so long (pretentious).

9. I love the endorphin high you get from strenuous exercise. Crazy addictive.

8. Sleep is overrated, but thankfully I fall asleep before my head hits the pillow.

7. I love the colour of my golden skin.

6. I keep adding to my bucketlist, but do not cross things off.

5. Acting out is my specialty.

4. Kaizen is my motto.

3. I daydream a lot.

2. Music moves my soul.

1.  Thanks to my Dad's youth gene, I will always look younger than I am.