Sage advice. Someone who made you unhappy: was the unhappiness caused by mistakes (made on both sides), that created years of resentment and ultimately complete detachment? Or was it just not a good fit from the start? An inability to fufill eachother's needs.
I know this of myself: I am critical of my partner when he can't meet my needs. I really need to work on expressing my needs instead of acting out. However, it means so much more when your partner can intuit your needs and has a desire to fulfil them. So much sweeter when he has a natural ability to give you what you need then having to provide instructions. Back to the criticism though -- not good for the health of the relationship; really erodes connection. So I must be direct about my needs and not be ashamed of them! Sometimes I think it's nobel to deny myself of what I want because:
- I don't feel I'm deserving of them
- they seem superfluous (You want to be treated like a princess. Really? But you are a feminist FFS)
- I feel that my partner can't be trusted to provide what I need