Friday, November 25, 2011

Triangular Theory of Love

Intimacy + passion + commitment is the secret formula to fulfilling love apparently. So I did this on-line test to confirm what I already know --major passion deficit, commitment not doing so well either. Apparently the "well I'm still here" sentiment doesn't go far. :-)

It seems overly simplistic to carve up love like this, but I can see elements of truth here. We have a strong friendship and care for one another. Plus our commitment to the family keeps us together. It's typical of many couples to be in this state of 'companionate love' if the passion fades. But it's not like there's zero sex. There's just no abundance of affection or desire. But who dreams of their partners after nine years of marriage? According to this theory, the stronger the friendship, the stronger the intimacy. I'm not sure that I agree, unless I've got intimacy all wrong. There's definitely sharing and closeness, but that's just my nature to be open. I suppose this theory helps me more clearly define problem areas. Can they be fixed? Do I even want them fixed? Not sure.

Friday, November 18, 2011

The high highs and the low lows

I worked out and had lunch with my sister today. It was really nice doing something together, just the two of us. I miss her. We both know each other's history so well. I don't even have to finish my sentences, she just knows. When we ask each other how we are doing, we know that there's no fooling one other. "We're doing fine" never equates to "my relationship is great". But then again, whose is? It was a bit sad to hear her say that she's comfortable with the predictability and even level of happiness in her life. She's not over the moon, but she's not deeply depressed either because you can't have the highs without the lows. I know what she's talking about here. The desperate housewife craves passion but ends up alone and heartbroken because of it. Yep, life is not really a roller coaster. It's mundane and we should be content with that.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Don't speak to me for the rest of the day

My day was off to a rocky start -- upset kids, asshole partner, meeting I was unprepared for. Plus I wore what I thought was a cute outfit and spent the day feeling men's awkwardness rebound back to me. My student for one had a difficult time seeing so much skin (I was still fully dressed). And the one person I wanted to notice me already thinks I'm yesterday's news, but that's a whole other depressing story. By the end of the day I was ready to just flop, but then my partner started arguing with me about the stupidest little thing AND IN FRONT OF THE KIDS AGAIN, which I hate. So I told him that we are done talking today. And now I am at peace. But then there's that tiny little feeling of yuck in my heart that needs to make friends again. But I'd rather have a drink and flop in front of the TV.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

What are we getting worked up about?

It's hard to separate politics from ideology. When I look at something like the new Crime Bill, my instinct is to dislike it based on its source. I know very little of the justification for each proposed change. But I know that it is completely unnecessary because it's coming from a government that uses fear to control its people. In spite of the fact that crime rates are dropping, the Conservatives want to lock away Canadians. They want to appease their baby boomer voting base by showing that they are tough on crime. See, there I go, spewing my own dogma.

I almost wish that I could view political change without knowing what party was behind it. I tried reading the Crime Bill even and it just confused me. It's pretty sad that I have such a poor knowledge of the law in the first place. Here's an example of one of the proposed amendments: "This enactment amends the Criminal Code to eliminate the reference, in section 742.1, to serious personal injury offences and to restrict the availability of conditional sentences for all offences for which the maximum term of imprisonment is 14 years or life and for specified offences, prosecuted by way of indictment, for which the maximum term of imprisonment is 10 years. " Huh? Give me an example of a serious personal injury offense. Is this a good thing? Do we need to be tougher on youth? Who's getting away with what? I guess it does come down to ideology for me. Punishing people does not make for a better society. Prevention is a much better use of our tax dollars.

I'd love to be able to be objective. Lately, I find myself surfing for more evidence to back up my beliefs -- see, yeah, Harper's evil man! I only talk politics with people I know who share my views. I accuse my old man for being so blinded by his beliefs that he can't even see the truth. And yet, this will be me before too long. Not good.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

A Ranty Blogpost

K, I guess this blog is chalk-full of rants. I love getting worked up about any number of things. Inner peace, I'm putting you on hold for a minute while I rant about ethics tonight.

I can't stand scammers. First a big caveat -- I am not a saint, many people would consider some of my behaviour incredibly unethical. They are not me. And no one should judge. Fine. But I've got to get this off my chest.

It really burns me to see people working the system, trying to get something for nothing. Tonight I heard a fellow public servant brag about working only one hour per day. He's proud of the fact that he purchased a brand new SUV he didn't need so he could have it shipped overseas and back on the fed's dime for a 2-yr foreign assignment, just so he could avoid paying taxes. He's proud of this. It turns my stomach. Someone ends up paying asshole! What is it about cheating that's so appealing? Maybe this guy feels like he's really stickin' it to the man? Problem is, it becomes a way of life, you don't even realize you're doing it anymore and you pass it on to your kids.  Also, think of the wasted time inventing new ways to scam the system. And in turn, society has to invest in anti-fraud -- people, policies, technology. I sound completely polly-anna here when I say that if everyone just did the right thing because it was the right thing to do .... I can't even finish my sentence. It's hopeless.

Next time this dude brags about his scams, I'm going to voice my objection. He won't change, but at least he'll know that not everyone thinks that this is cool.


A friend of mine who is clinically depressed told me that he's going through a particularly bad bout of depression lately. It was so bad the other night that he couldn't get suicidal thoughts out of his head. Hearing him say that scared the shit out of me. Don't do it! Was all I could say. How comforting is that for someone who sees no other way out of the darkness. I was completely sympathetic, knowing full well how unbearably hopeless it can feel. And then part of me was angry that he laid that on me. I have a hard enough time dealing with my own neurosis. I don't even know him well enough to understand what's causing his pain. And frankly it's not my responsibility. But then we owe it to each other to be there during the tough times. Friendships aren't all sunshine and rainbows afterall. Thankfully he appears to be on the mend. Here's hoping that the next time the wave of depression smacks him down, I'll be better able to throw him a line.