Sunday, January 22, 2012

Hot buttons

Another rant, have to get it off my chest:  when we were discussing dinner arrangements for my dad's b-day this weekend, I reminded my partner that we would be having cake at my sister's place after the restaurant. He proceeded to ask me if my sister was picking up the cake because "you need to make it clear when you are organizing these type of things who is doing what." "We are not fucking idiots" was my reply. He was of course offended that I swore and when he tried to explain his point further, I lost it. It's been tense ever since.

Gawd, I want to be NICER. And yet it's this kind of bullshit that pisses me off the most. Does my partner not know me? I LOVE to plan events. I dream of becoming an event planner one day. I am VERY GOOD at planning the details. I think of EVERYTHING. I was really insulted that he doesn't know this about me! Plus, I hate being spoken to like I am a child. I hate it. Everything I'm learning about complaining without criticising, without blaming or without flipping out for that matter, stating my needs and being more forgiving -- THESE DON'T WORK WHEN YOU ARE UPSET. I revert to my old ways.

So what can I do? I could bring this up now, but it'll likely end in another fight. I'll be accused of being too emotional. He'll tell me that it doesn't hurt to be reminded and that he meant no malice. And then he'll remind me how harmful it is to swear in front of the kids. I sound really defeatist tonight. But if I don't bring this up, it will happen AGIAN.

K, maybe I can change how I react. Instead of "We are not fucking idiots", how about "Yes, everything's been arranged. My sister and I are quite good at this sort of thing you know. When you remind me of something I already know I feel like I'm being spoken to like a child". Am I being condescending? Slightly. Am I stating my feelings? Somewhat. Am I asking him for what I need? Not really. Do I sound loving? No. I'm still ticked off about the whole thing. Grrrr.

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