Saturday, October 19, 2013


I'm reading an interesting book on consciousness and it's starting to draw some simple relationships in my mind.  This is helping me understand the concepts I've heard again and again, yet haven't quite grasped.  The idea that reality is based on perception starts to make sense until I think of feedback.  When I touch a table, it feels hard, so I know that it is there.  But is it really there?  Is it just what I've come to expect.  If I didn't experience the table would it be there?  OK, NOW YOU'VE LOST ME.

So this book breaks it down nicely like I am 6 years old, starting with the voice in your head.  I personally know this voice, because it talks to me constantly.  It reminds me of stuff I need to do (e.g. don't forget to call your mom), it chastises me for things I have done (e.g. why did you jump down his throat like that before giving him a chance to speak, you are so selfish), it likes to tell me why things are the way they are (e.g. he doesn't give a shit about you, he's disrespecting you again).  This books says that the voice is not you and just because it speaks does not mean we need to listen.  The voice is there to interpret reality for us so that we can feel safer in the world.  We often pay attention because we believe that it comes from some kind of inner wisdom.  But, really it does no more than fill the air.  For one thing the voice flip flips all over the place (e.g. you should work out, but then again your knees are sore and you need to rest, but you also ate like crap today and need to burn some caolories, etc.).  Secondly,  most of what the voice is doing is complaining -- looking for problems, looking for something to be bothered by.  In fact in my case, the voice never gives anyone the benefit of the doubt (e.g. why did he not say anything?  he's ignoring me again?  he's trying to distance himself from he -- he's trying to send a fucking message, etc.).  My voice dreams up all kinds of negative explanations when most of the time there's a reasonable explanation (e.g. he was on another computer and did not see my BBM, he was on the phone, he was deep into work).
Anyways, I've just scratched the surface but I look forward to learning more about this, including how to turn the voice off!  I have a feeling that it won't be possible though.  But awareness is usually an important step for me.  It's a nice way to spend a Saturday night.

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