I feel like I'm 12 again because it's the first time in a long time that I'm tracking my menstrual cycle -- not because I want to get pregnant, but so that I can better understand how hormones are affecting my mood. I also feel obliged to warn my partner. Today was a crazy day. It started out with a bang -- I awoke from the happiest dream and everything at work was perfect. But then I started to cramp up. By the end of the day I felt anxious and annoyed, let-down, tired and depressed. While everyone was getting dinner ready, I was sitting in the dark in my closet for nearly half an hour. What is wrong with me? And then I checked my calendar. So I took some ibuprofen, did some yoga, pigged out on chocolate and put on some Glee and now I feel much better. I wish I was more body-aware like my partner. What's causing these waves of depression? My circumstances, thoughts, hormones or all of the above.
Another factor could very well be the universe. A friend of mine noticed that she and I were having problems communicating recently. I had noticed as well, but could not explain it. In fact all my relationships were strained. And then she told me that Mercury was in retrograde. It happens three times a year and affects some people quite severely. I know very little about Astrology, but from what I've read this period is marked by personal misunderstandings flawed, disrupted, or delayed communications and negotiations. By Aug 23, I was supposedly back to normal. It won't be back again until Nov. 24th -- will be interesting to see if I am causing the behaviour because of my knowledge of the retrograde or if the retrograde provokes the change.
Well, good thing about tonight is that I put on a brave face (after I got out of the closet) and talked myself out of my darkness. Here's hoping that tomorrow is brighter. xx