Sunday, September 11, 2011

Intoxicating New Love

Listed to the most fascinating interview with Sarah Polly on Q last night. She had a lot to say about relationships in regards to her latest film which I can't wait to see. What really stuck in my head was her take on why new love is so intoxicating. She said that a new relationship gives you the opportunity to reinvent yourself. You see yourself through your lovers eyes. And since they don't really know you yet, they only see the good. You get to wash away all the bad -- the things you don't like about yourself. You get to revel in their love of you, the very best you. The disappointment that we experience once the lustre wears off is the bad that inevitably returns and we are once again forced to live with our old selves. This really struck a chord. I've heard people say that they love how their lover makes them feel about themselves. And although it rings true, I don't like to admit that because it seems awfully selfish. What about the person you supposedly love -- isn't it their wonderful qualities that you cherish?

I think we are attracted to people who have qualities we'd like to see developed in ourselves. We emulate them and are grateful that they bring out our best. When I think back to our early days, I remember being impressed with how laid back my partner was. Nothing upset him. I wanted to have that too and his serenity was contagious. I also loved that he appreciated what I thought were my worst character flaws. As selfish as it sounds, I fell in love the day he told me that he loved how out-spoken I was. Of course, I am now the more laid back between the two of us and he's done an about face.

Back to Sarah's sentiment. She said that people who crave new love are usually insecure. This too I have heard before. I thought that it had to do with the need for attention. But it makes more sense to me when I think about it in terms of new love giving you the opportunity to ignore your imperfections, albeit temporarily. Hey, if we just loved ourselves more, faults and all then maybe we'd be satisfied in our long term relationships.

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