Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Shift your perceptions

I visited an intuitive today -- first time seeing this one, but not the first reading I've have.  My need to know and to control is what drives me to visit fortune tellers and yet every time I go,  I'm disappointed. But since I dropped $110, I should at least try to look for some worthwhile lesson.

As far as psychics go she was mediocre -- asked a lot of questions instead of telling me what she saw.  She was even dead wrong on a few counts, such as me being single.  But of course even married people can give off a single aura because of their independence.  Of course!  There was also a lot of general advice for someone of my demographic -- you don't feel appreciated, you give so much of yourself to your children, you are disappointed that married life has not lived up to your fantasy, you are angry for not having more time to yourself, blah, blah, blah.  But then there were some points that really resonated.  Even if it was just a lucky guess on her point, it was good to hear an objective point of view.

She interpreted the images she saw of me as being very sad, trapped and protective.  She said that I had checked out of my relationship a long time ago, but that it's been a gradual process since after the kids were born.  It's not clear why I unplugged, but I need to examine why I did that and figure out ways to plug back in. She said that I need to shift my perceptions.  This threw me for a loop because its something I've heard a very good friend of mine talk about.  I should focus on what's good and specifically what D does that's good. Gratitude will help me open my heart.  She told me that I crave intimacy and that I feel alive when I'm with someone that I connect with.  This is a good thing because it shows me what's possible.  Now I have to figure out a way to bring that aliveness into my marriage.  What am I seeking?  What do other relationships give me that I can't seem to have at home?  Why am I closing my heart to D's love?  She also advised me to enrich my soul myself.  Stop making my partner responsible for my fulfillment.  I should nurture things that I love about myself and spend time doing what I really enjoy (more booze anyone?).  She called me a hopeless romantic.  I can be my own romantic -- buy myself flowers, do what makes me feel alive.  This made a lot of sense to me.  Of course it could be said for most mothers.  She also told me to develop my own spiritual practice and that I should study kabalah. Wrt plugging back into my marriage, she suggested we spend more time together -- not just dates, but having conversations that don't involve the kids or money.  Just being in each other's company builds intimacy.  I also need more playfulness and laughter.   D tickled me to death tonight and it was a lot of FUN.  I agree that we need to play more.

So there's plenty of good advice here .. perhaps not $110 worth, but I'm going to start paying closer attention to what I am bringing, and in the case of my marriage, not bringing.

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