Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Choose being kind over being right

If only I knew this stuff in my 20s, it would have saved me years of troubled relationships. I can't even begin to count the number of fights caused by needlessly correcting my partner, not letting go of a position or insisting my way was the only way to do something. Most of the time, the thing we're fighting over is completely irrelevant. In fact, I can't even think up specific examples. Yet I definitely remember the hurt and anger caused by fighting. I like to call them bricks in the wall of resentment. Time to start tearing down the wall. This is no way to live.

Again, this is the Ego rising up to defend itself by making the other person feel small. When I've insisted that I'm right, gotten all steamed up, hurt the other person's feelings and essentially made an ass of myself, it feels pretty lousy, even if I am right. It never feels good to be right at another person's expense. What feels good is making the other person feel good. Even if the other person is wrong, what's the point of correcting them? This is a hard temptation to resist with one's partner. Hopefully I'll catch myself in time -- do I want peace or do I want to be right?

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