Saturday, August 21, 2010
More on Mars and Venus
More generalizing here, but since I find it applicable, I'm going to indulge.
What does he want?(other than sex 5x a week)
To feel trusted. I believe you are doing your best and want the best for us. I trust that you can fulfill my needs.
Acceptance. I love you the way you are and I don't want to change you.
Appreciation. I value all that you do for us. I will not take you for granted.
Admiration. I admire your loyalty, youthfulness, intellect, good looks, integrity, honesty and kindness.
Approval. I see your good intentions in everything you do.
Encouragement. When I express trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration and approval I encourage you to be all that you can be.
... OMG, this sounds like wedding vows (GAK)
What do I want? (other than another rum and coke :-))
Caring. When you show interest in my feelings and heartfelt concern for my well-being, I feel loved and cared for.
Understanding. When you give me your undivided attention and listen without judgement but with empathy and relatedness when I express my feelings, I feel heard and understood.
Respect. When you acknowledge my rights, wishes and needs and when you take into consideration my thoughts and feelings, I feel respected.
Devotion. When you make my needs a priority and commit yourself to supporting and fulfilling me, I feel adored and special.
Validation. When you accept and confirm my feelings, I feel validated.
Reassurance. When you show that you care, understand, respect, validate and are devoted, I feel reassured (and on top of the world).
Wellllll .... if these are our primary love needs, marriage is not fulfilling them. We have our work cut out for us! I don't think it means we have to devote special time to 'working on the relationship'. It's being able to express your love by just living -- being the best you can be for your family, right?
I know that when I am blaming, controlling, criticizing, he does not feel loved. Who would? And when he doesn't listen, invalidates or ignores my feelings, I don't feel loved. I think we have it in us to change. Making the other person's needs a priority is just natural plus it feels really good. That's just how it should be.