Thursday, August 12, 2010
The object of his desires
I'll admit, I was looking forward to seeing the look of shock on my colleagues faces upon seeing my new body. I was quite the pregnant heifer last time most people saw me at the office over a year ago. Plus, my shallow side quite likes the attention. Most people have been really positive -- "you look great D, nice to have you back." Thank you! What I wasn't prepared for was the leering -- "Wow, you look soooo good. I don't think I've ever seen you with your hair this long. I can't get over your LEGS. I'm amazed by how fantastic you look." K, the first few minutes made me blush. I'm not used to getting ogled by men. Then again, if I didn't want people to notice me, then why did I dress office-slut this week? Now, it's starting to annoy me. K, enough. I'm still me you loser! Get a grip. This is creeping me out.
I can see why men are easily frustrated. How many times have I heard my partner tell me: "you complain when I don't notice and when I do you accuse me of just wanting sex". Yes, this is true. What I want is subtlety. Check me out, but don't leer. Tell me I look great, but don't heap on the compliments. Flash me a smile that says "lookin' good, good lookin'", but don't drool.
I'm ready for the novelty to wear off. Let's just move past it. I also feel enormous pressure to keep this up -- I've had double cream in my coffee, greasy muffins, and even beer at work and the week is not done. I'm also anxious for people to see the new me on the inside. Patience D, this will take time. I have to SHOW them that I am more empathetic, nicer, calmer, accepting -- I can't just TELL them so.
The 'coming out' has been fun, but please, more than anything, just let me go back to being one of the guys.