Time to reflect on my Performance Review -- the review from hell. Rather than talk about ways to build on my strengths and overcome weakness it was an open stage for my manager to dredge up everything that pissed her off about my performance. I was accused of purposely hiding my work and not keeping her informed, taking on extra tasks to avoid working on my priorities, tarnishing my manager's career and being disrespectful and unprofessional by talking about her to her manager, being unable to communicate with people whose opinions differed from my own, and being unable to recognize when I was in over my head. I think there's more, but it disgusts me to write it.
It should not surprise me. We have a horrible working relationship and she blames me for her own poor performance and lack of leadership. That's not to say that I don't have faults. I do have a difficult time respecting the authority of those I fee don't desserve it. And I don't like being supervised for work I know how to do, which is why we are a match made in hell. She needs compliance -- someone who wants to be micro-managed and who will pander to her insecurities. I want autonomy, respect, and most of all PEACE. So rather than take the high road and politely smile at all these accusations, I fought back. And sadly, I legitimized her attacks by addressing them. But the Abused has to fight back or she cannot get better. So I should not regret it. I feel stronger because of it and for that alone I should be grateful. I should not let her negativity erode my self worth. I have already stewed about this for 7 hours. Innerpeace where are you?
Realize that none of this matters. The people whose opinions REALLY count know what I am capable of. More importantly, I know what I did, what I can do, what I will do. Keep that in your heart D and press on.