Tuesday, June 22, 2010


I've been thinking a lot about my parent's relationship these days. They're coming up on their 38 year anniversary. I know most people would see it as an accomplishment to be proud of. Not me. My parents have a terrible relationship -- there's little if any love left. Yes, I know there are worse ones out there and yes I know that by the time you're in your 70s, what is there left to do with each other but bicker? I'm just sick of seeing my mom give and give of herself and get so little in return. My dad's been rejecting her for 40 years and still she clings to him like a dog to an abusive owner. I remember as a child he would threaten to leave her. In the midst of a heated argument he'd start packing his suitcase. A couple of times he even left for a few days. My mom would break down bawling, promise to change, beg him to stay. Just thinking about it now makes me really angry. I would have given anything to hear her say just once " GO! AND DON'T LET THE DOOR FUCKING HIT YOU ON THE WAY OUT!"

I've read that a women's primary needs are to feel loved and cherished by her partner. Feeling rejection and abandoned are our deepest fears. It's worse for women who grew up witnessing their mother being rejected or also if they themselves did not feel loved by their fathers. Apparently that's what makes us feel like we are undeserving of love. Even when our partners try to display their love, some of us just won't let them. *Sigh* I'm going to write more about this later. It's definitely worth exploring. I can't undo my childhood. In fact I'm not comfortable with blaming my parents. In many ways they did an excellent job raising us considering how dysfunctional their own childhoods were. I'd like to focus on what I can do to get what I need without compromising who I am. I also want my kids to see that two adults can live together in a mutually fulfilling and loving relationship. I can't think of a better way to give them the FAITH they'll need in their own relationships!

As for my folks, they certainly have mellowed in their age, there's not many things left to fight about I guess. But my dad still threatens to walk out now and then. Finally the other day my mom told him that she's tired of hearing it. She didn't tell him to Fuck Off like I wish she would. She just quietly said "please stop, I've had enough". Way to go Mom! xx

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