Thursday, June 3, 2010

The Greatest Love of All

I feel foolish that it's taken me this long to figure out how important love is. You'd have to be pretty dense to not see humanities' obsession with love. I guess I've always viewed it as one of life's accomplishments -- fall in love, get married, have kids -- check, check, check. Once you've heard him say "I love you", it's understood. Only needy people need to hear it again and again. Doesn't it lose it's specialness if spoken all the time? Knowing that you are loved and feeling loved are two completely different things. I think it's not uncommon for many people to hear things like "Of course I love you! I wouldn't be here if I didn't". That may be true, but what I think most people are saying when they ask "Do you love me?" is "I feel distance between us" or "I'm feeling a low moment right now and I want to hear you say that you love me as I am." or "I'm sorry that I messed up and I need to know that you still love me." or "I'm tired of all the fighting and I want us to be more loving to each other." Those three little words are indeed powerful and should be spoken to eachother. What better way to make an instant connection?

Being loving to one another is a complete attitude change for most of us. Here are some examples off the top of my head:
being respectful of each other's feelings
cutting each other some slack
not expecting perfection -- not expecting anything for that matter
being forgiving
speaking kindly
not reacting
letting go
showing affection
doing your fair share
not blaming, shaming or complaining all the time
being supportive
showing empathy
... and the list goes on and on ...

Sadly, a lot of couples who are in love do none of these on a daily basis. Yet this is what we all need.

So what about single people? I can't help but think of a friend of mine whom I feel has given up the hope of finding someone. Is she doomed? Love yourself. Maybe Whitney's got something there (other than a bad coke habit, ouch). And since I truly believe that nothing lasts and it's foolish to make your happiness someone else's responsibility, this applies to us married folk as well.

Here we are back at acceptance once again! I love myself exactly as I am, this very moment. Yes I do.

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