Tuesday, June 8, 2010
This morning, the guy who was restocking shelves at the grocery store asked me how my day was going. When I replied that it was great and asked him the same, he answered me with a wink and a smile "better now, thanks!" I didn't even realize what he had said until I walked away. In fact it put me in an even better mood and I thought about it all the way home. WTF? Not even an hour before, my partner told me that I looked hot and here I was gushing over what the lettuce trimmer said to me. What is wrong with me??!!
My partner's sweetness is what should excite me. Yet I feel that it's not the same as when a stranger flirts. The husband is obligated to say nice things to me. It still means something, but it's somehow lost is lustre. I know my partner feels the same way -- he's over the moon when someone flirts with him. And I quite enjoy watching his giddy excitement too (as long as his head doesn't swell too much). We all want to know that we still have it. Marriage just plain kills the excitement that newness and unfamiliarity spark. Sounds like my relationship needs a little flirting. I just know it's going to feel forced and awkward if I try. In fact just thinking about it fills me with dread. But I do like that tingle and flirting with strangers is just a little creepy. In fact I don't even want to go back to the grocery store now.
I think part of my reaction comes from feeling good about how I look. I haven't felt desirable in a long time. It sounds completely vain to want other people's attention. I'll just be grateful that it occasionally surprises me and that I can count on it being there when I need it from the one that matters the most to me.