Monday, July 18, 2011

Losing my religion

My not-so-silent Sunday protest is doing more harm than good unfortunately. The kids see their mother balking the church -- outright ignoring the rituals and even falling asleep (I couldn't help it yesterday). My blatant disrespect is worse than not attending which is ironic because the only reason I go these days is to lead by example. Special thanks to a good friend of mine for helping me realize this today. I've got to make peace with religion -- figure out where I stand and be consistent with my practice or non-practice. Right now I'm really torn between going out of obligation to my partner and his family and bailing. Problem with the latter is that I'm left practicing zero spirituality -- at least as a weekly ritual. Maybe that's the problem. A good friend of mine suggested finding another practice to demonstrate family values -- a round table of gratitude, or brain-storming and doing good deeds together or even saying grace at dinner. I like these ideas, only I know we won't stick to them. Why make this into some kind of public display anyway? Shouldn't my daily behaviour be the best way to demonstrate altruism, patience, empathy, self-discipline? K, stop laughing (crazy lady here talking to my 2 readers out there). I'm done with organized religion. I don't believe in it and I'm not sure what I do believe.

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